Waiting

I've mentioned a few times that patience is incredibly important when going through the PGD process and honestly, I'm pretty surprised how well I'm doing at it.

It's now 4 days since egg collection (3 days since we found out we had 10 fertilised) and tomorrow the biopsies will be done.  We'll then be informed on Sunday how many embryos are suitable for freezing and then it's another 2-3 week wait to find out how many we have to discount due to the genetics.  I've not really been thinking about it at all and I find that odd - I normally dwell on things way too much, worry way too easily and generally stress about everything.  It's odd to have gone from doing everything in my power to create healthy eggs - a good diet, giving up alcohol and caffeine, the daily injections, taking supplements, exercise - to now having absolutely no impact on what happens to them.

I think the reason I'm not being impatient and wishing the days away is because I'm not sure I want the results.  Currently we have 10 embryos which provides us with a really good chance of me becoming pregnant.  Realistically I know that we could easily lose a few that haven't grown enough and half (or more) because they have the chromosome we're trying to avoid.  I'm aware that we could end up with none.

Currently things are looking good, we have hope and I'm coping well.  I can't say that I'm feeling any particular emotion about the process, neither excitement nor concern. I'm almost numb to the whole thing at the moment, happy in my state of limbo where things are positive.

Maybe ALS is rubbing off on me.  He's always very realistic and doesn't tend to think or worry about things that are beyond his control.  He takes everything as it comes and deal with life with very little visible emotion.  I'm normally a very emotional person; if I'm excited or nervous about something I'll talk about it non-stop, if I'm upset I'll comfortably let myself cry until I feel better and if I'm annoyed about something I won't hesitate to rant about it.  This practical, realistic approach to everything is very new to me and very unexpected but I'm rolling with it and hopefully it'll make the whole process at easy to cope with as possible.