Conflict Resolution

As an NHS staff member I have to do a min-course every year on "Conflict Resolution".  It's ultimately boring, uninformative and really just common sense but it's compulsory.  However, lately I feel like people could do with it.

Over the past few weeks I have found myself surrounded by conflict; an ongoing feud between 2 friends who can no longer stand to be in the same room as each other, politics causing difficulty in our powerlifting federation, our neighbours yelling very loudly at each other (or someone they appeared to know - it was dark, I couldn't tell) outside their house and work colleagues who have ended up with our offices all being moved around because they physically can't work together in a civil manner.  This is not an extensive list and I could go on, but I'm sure you get the gist.

In each situation I have kept my involvement to a little as physically possible because, quite frankly, I don't need that kind of drama and negativity in my life.  I have quietly accepted the office changes, shut my window to block out the neighbours, ignored the bitchiness in our sporting circle and comforted my friends when they were upset whilst trying to remain detached from the situation etc.

 Admittedly I did have an argument with an acquaintance who runs in the same circle as myself and ALS the other day.  He didn't think before he spoke and I called him up on it a little too harshly.  The difference is, within 10 minutes I had apologised, as had he, because we both realised it was an unnecessary argument and we could both be a bit more sensitive in the future.  In the above situations, I have no control over the situation as I'm not directly involved yet it still affects me and I find myself getting stressed and wound up about the way people are handling things.  I'm not saying I'm perfect and I'm sure there are times when other people would like to remind me of what I'm about to say.

Maybe it's because the summer is over and we're heading into rubbish weather and far less hours of daylight - something that often makes people feel low.  Maybe it's because people have personal things going on that is causing them to have a shorter fuse than normal.  Maybe it's because the economy isn't great and people are having to tighten their purse-strings and miss out on the little luxuries that make them happy.

It could be any number of reasons but I really don't seem to be able to escape conflict lately and I don't know why.  Maybe I've always been around this much conflict but suddenly, having gained a whole new perspective of what's important on my journey to conceive, I don't feel like people are really remembering what matters.  I know that sounds horribly pretentious but the fact is most of the conflicts above could have been resolved or even avoided if people had dealt with situations a little more sensitively and if others hadn't taken things so much to heart.

If you're in a situation where you have a different opinion to someone, feel strongly about something or have been upset by something someone has done and need to let them know, remember "Conflict Resolution" (and avoidance) goes a long way.

- Think about what you're saying, and its implications, before you say it.
- Consider how the other person involved might be feeling. Think how you would react if you were in their situation.
- Try not to take things too personally.  If someone doesn't agree with your idea or something you like, it doesn't mean they don't like you and it doesn't automatically make them a horrible person.
- Prepare for the fact that the other person may well have a very good point and you may have to admit you are wrong (which is not easy, but often the key to resolving conflict).
- Decide on a way to get your point across whilst keeping in mind that others may not agree with you.
- Respect other people's opinions but also remember to respect yourself.  If a person is really negatively affecting you, then removing them from your life (in a civil manner) may be the only way forward.
- Remember that the other person could be going through something you aren't aware of and (wrongly) taking it out on you.
- If you really feel someone is being unreasonable and there is no way to resolve the situation then walk away.
- Most importantly don't spend your time bitching to someone else about the person you're arguing with.  Imagine how you'd feel if they were doing the same.  Odds are it will get back to them one day and you'll end up feeling very embarrassed, hurting their feeling and ruining any change of reconciliation.

Obviously the above only goes for minor quarrels and petty arguments - it's not necessarily going to help if your significant other has slept with your sister or something equally dramatic.  I've definitely been guilty of jumping to conclusions, speaking without thinking and bitching about people in the past - none of which I'm proud of.  I feel like I've really "grown up" in the last couple of years and it's been a long time since I really argued with anybody but I'm going to try and employ this in my life as well.  Hopefully if the person on both sides of an argument is thinking about these things, they'll both manage to come to some sort of resolution that aides them and doesn't make everyone else around them uncomfortable.

There's enough war and conflict in the world without us creating more of our own, especially when it involves people we ultimately care a lot about.