I don't even have words to explain how angry and upset I am right now. There was a programme aired last night about Down's Syndrome and the genetic testing available in an attempt to eradicate it. I didn't watch it so I have no idea what it covered or how sensitively it was (or wasn't) dealt with. I do know it has caused a relatively large amount of uproar with people commenting on how those with Down's syndrome have many excellent qualities and bring a lot of joy to a lot of people. This is not my issue - I don't take issue with the programme or people's opinions of it.
However, one of my friends (she has a variant of spina bifida) made a comment on Facebook that she was hurt by some of the ideals in the programme as she's disabled and feels that just because she's different, that's not always a bad thing. I quite agree with this and she's a damn inspirational lady although I'm guessing given the choice she wouldn't be disabled. She didn't like the idea that someone could have made the choice not to have her just because she was disabled and again, I get that as it's a very personal issue.
I weighed in on the subject saying that it's a case by case basis, explaining that we will use PGD to have children but that this to protect our children from a terminal condition. She was understanding about that and we had a nice chat about disability. Then another woman decided to weigh in (the mother of one of my friends) with this comment:
"THIS IS WHAT HITLER WAS DOING BY GASSING ANYBODY THAT WAS DEEMED TO BE DIFFERENT OR NOT PERFECT."
I have not responded to this comment, nor will I, but there are a few things that I need to get off my chest:
1. We are NOT doing PGD because we want our child to be perfect. We want to protect it from a singular, terminal disease that it is at specific risk of.
2. I would never terminate a child because it had a condition like Downs Syndrome or anything that could leave it living a relatively normal life. Hell, I don't think I could terminate a child full stop.
3. I was not suggesting that we cull people with disabilities, just that trying to prevent them in the first place (for the sake of the children and future generations).
4. I don't agree with gender selection (unless it's related to a condition specific to one gender).
4. How insensitive do you have to be to describe someone who you don't really know, but who is going so far out of their way to give their child the best possible start in life, as Hitler.
Initially I laughed at the comment, then I got angry and then I sobbed. I really thought that this was the one decision I'd made in life that was nothing but good (aside from maybe on a religious basis) and that people would be proud of me rather than judging me. Instead, today I was compared to one of the worst human beings to have ever existed.
Yay me.
Showing posts with label conflict. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conflict. Show all posts
Thursday, 6 October 2016
Friday, 16 September 2016
Conflict Resolution
As an NHS staff member I have to do a min-course every year on "Conflict Resolution". It's ultimately boring, uninformative and really just common sense but it's compulsory. However, lately I feel like people could do with it.
Over the past few weeks I have found myself surrounded by conflict; an ongoing feud between 2 friends who can no longer stand to be in the same room as each other, politics causing difficulty in our powerlifting federation, our neighbours yelling very loudly at each other (or someone they appeared to know - it was dark, I couldn't tell) outside their house and work colleagues who have ended up with our offices all being moved around because they physically can't work together in a civil manner. This is not an extensive list and I could go on, but I'm sure you get the gist.
In each situation I have kept my involvement to a little as physically possible because, quite frankly, I don't need that kind of drama and negativity in my life. I have quietly accepted the office changes, shut my window to block out the neighbours, ignored the bitchiness in our sporting circle and comforted my friends when they were upset whilst trying to remain detached from the situation etc.
Admittedly I did have an argument with an acquaintance who runs in the same circle as myself and ALS the other day. He didn't think before he spoke and I called him up on it a little too harshly. The difference is, within 10 minutes I had apologised, as had he, because we both realised it was an unnecessary argument and we could both be a bit more sensitive in the future. In the above situations, I have no control over the situation as I'm not directly involved yet it still affects me and I find myself getting stressed and wound up about the way people are handling things. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I'm sure there are times when other people would like to remind me of what I'm about to say.
Maybe it's because the summer is over and we're heading into rubbish weather and far less hours of daylight - something that often makes people feel low. Maybe it's because people have personal things going on that is causing them to have a shorter fuse than normal. Maybe it's because the economy isn't great and people are having to tighten their purse-strings and miss out on the little luxuries that make them happy.
It could be any number of reasons but I really don't seem to be able to escape conflict lately and I don't know why. Maybe I've always been around this much conflict but suddenly, having gained a whole new perspective of what's important on my journey to conceive, I don't feel like people are really remembering what matters. I know that sounds horribly pretentious but the fact is most of the conflicts above could have been resolved or even avoided if people had dealt with situations a little more sensitively and if others hadn't taken things so much to heart.
If you're in a situation where you have a different opinion to someone, feel strongly about something or have been upset by something someone has done and need to let them know, remember "Conflict Resolution" (and avoidance) goes a long way.
- Think about what you're saying, and its implications, before you say it.
- Consider how the other person involved might be feeling. Think how you would react if you were in their situation.
- Try not to take things too personally. If someone doesn't agree with your idea or something you like, it doesn't mean they don't like you and it doesn't automatically make them a horrible person.
- Prepare for the fact that the other person may well have a very good point and you may have to admit you are wrong (which is not easy, but often the key to resolving conflict).
- Decide on a way to get your point across whilst keeping in mind that others may not agree with you.
- Respect other people's opinions but also remember to respect yourself. If a person is really negatively affecting you, then removing them from your life (in a civil manner) may be the only way forward.
- Remember that the other person could be going through something you aren't aware of and (wrongly) taking it out on you.
- If you really feel someone is being unreasonable and there is no way to resolve the situation then walk away.
- Most importantly don't spend your time bitching to someone else about the person you're arguing with. Imagine how you'd feel if they were doing the same. Odds are it will get back to them one day and you'll end up feeling very embarrassed, hurting their feeling and ruining any change of reconciliation.
Obviously the above only goes for minor quarrels and petty arguments - it's not necessarily going to help if your significant other has slept with your sister or something equally dramatic. I've definitely been guilty of jumping to conclusions, speaking without thinking and bitching about people in the past - none of which I'm proud of. I feel like I've really "grown up" in the last couple of years and it's been a long time since I really argued with anybody but I'm going to try and employ this in my life as well. Hopefully if the person on both sides of an argument is thinking about these things, they'll both manage to come to some sort of resolution that aides them and doesn't make everyone else around them uncomfortable.
There's enough war and conflict in the world without us creating more of our own, especially when it involves people we ultimately care a lot about.
Over the past few weeks I have found myself surrounded by conflict; an ongoing feud between 2 friends who can no longer stand to be in the same room as each other, politics causing difficulty in our powerlifting federation, our neighbours yelling very loudly at each other (or someone they appeared to know - it was dark, I couldn't tell) outside their house and work colleagues who have ended up with our offices all being moved around because they physically can't work together in a civil manner. This is not an extensive list and I could go on, but I'm sure you get the gist.
In each situation I have kept my involvement to a little as physically possible because, quite frankly, I don't need that kind of drama and negativity in my life. I have quietly accepted the office changes, shut my window to block out the neighbours, ignored the bitchiness in our sporting circle and comforted my friends when they were upset whilst trying to remain detached from the situation etc.
Admittedly I did have an argument with an acquaintance who runs in the same circle as myself and ALS the other day. He didn't think before he spoke and I called him up on it a little too harshly. The difference is, within 10 minutes I had apologised, as had he, because we both realised it was an unnecessary argument and we could both be a bit more sensitive in the future. In the above situations, I have no control over the situation as I'm not directly involved yet it still affects me and I find myself getting stressed and wound up about the way people are handling things. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I'm sure there are times when other people would like to remind me of what I'm about to say.
Maybe it's because the summer is over and we're heading into rubbish weather and far less hours of daylight - something that often makes people feel low. Maybe it's because people have personal things going on that is causing them to have a shorter fuse than normal. Maybe it's because the economy isn't great and people are having to tighten their purse-strings and miss out on the little luxuries that make them happy.
It could be any number of reasons but I really don't seem to be able to escape conflict lately and I don't know why. Maybe I've always been around this much conflict but suddenly, having gained a whole new perspective of what's important on my journey to conceive, I don't feel like people are really remembering what matters. I know that sounds horribly pretentious but the fact is most of the conflicts above could have been resolved or even avoided if people had dealt with situations a little more sensitively and if others hadn't taken things so much to heart.
If you're in a situation where you have a different opinion to someone, feel strongly about something or have been upset by something someone has done and need to let them know, remember "Conflict Resolution" (and avoidance) goes a long way.
- Think about what you're saying, and its implications, before you say it.
- Consider how the other person involved might be feeling. Think how you would react if you were in their situation.
- Try not to take things too personally. If someone doesn't agree with your idea or something you like, it doesn't mean they don't like you and it doesn't automatically make them a horrible person.
- Prepare for the fact that the other person may well have a very good point and you may have to admit you are wrong (which is not easy, but often the key to resolving conflict).
- Decide on a way to get your point across whilst keeping in mind that others may not agree with you.
- Respect other people's opinions but also remember to respect yourself. If a person is really negatively affecting you, then removing them from your life (in a civil manner) may be the only way forward.
- Remember that the other person could be going through something you aren't aware of and (wrongly) taking it out on you.
- If you really feel someone is being unreasonable and there is no way to resolve the situation then walk away.
- Most importantly don't spend your time bitching to someone else about the person you're arguing with. Imagine how you'd feel if they were doing the same. Odds are it will get back to them one day and you'll end up feeling very embarrassed, hurting their feeling and ruining any change of reconciliation.
Obviously the above only goes for minor quarrels and petty arguments - it's not necessarily going to help if your significant other has slept with your sister or something equally dramatic. I've definitely been guilty of jumping to conclusions, speaking without thinking and bitching about people in the past - none of which I'm proud of. I feel like I've really "grown up" in the last couple of years and it's been a long time since I really argued with anybody but I'm going to try and employ this in my life as well. Hopefully if the person on both sides of an argument is thinking about these things, they'll both manage to come to some sort of resolution that aides them and doesn't make everyone else around them uncomfortable.
There's enough war and conflict in the world without us creating more of our own, especially when it involves people we ultimately care a lot about.
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