Lucky lucky lucky!

Let me start by saying that I am fully aware my journey is different to those who suffer with infertility.  I am not comparing myself to them because that is a heartache all to itself and I really can't imagine how it feels.  I've read countless blogs about couples who are years into trying to conceive, feel like they are getting nowhere and still have no idea whether they will ever become parents.  I am really not trying to compare what I'm doing to that.  But sometimes, even though I know it could be worse, you still wonder "Why me?".

When you're going through IVF it's easy to feel like you are incredibly unlucky.  I often think that ALS and I are unlucky because of the gene he may carry, because this forces us to go through IVF, because it means we can't just have sex and make babies like a "normal" couples.  I then compare myself to others, less fortunate and feel guilty.  Neither of these are exactly healthy trains of thought but all things considered we are VERY lucky.  Sometimes a change of perspective makes all the difference:

Unlucky:  We never got to try and have a child naturally.  We never had the moment of wondering if we'd just conceived a baby or being intimate in the process.
Lucky:  We will never have to wonder if we have fertility problems or if we will be able to conceive naturally.  We had to jump straight into the IVF but during the process we got a full fertility workup and we are both very fertile, which is something many couples would love to be able to say.

Unlucky:  ALS may carry the gene for Huntington's disease.  Not only would this prove fatal for him but he would have a 50% chance of passing that gene onto any child we created.
Lucky:  Science has come on so much in the last few years that it is possible for us to ensure (with relative certainty) that our child will not inherit that gene.  We can do this without even having to find out if ALS has the gene - therefore keeping us hopeful that he'll never develop symptoms.  Sure, having to go through IVF is no walk in the park but it provides opportunities that in the past we would never have had.

Unlucky:  Once we do manage to have a child I will not be able to afford to be a stay-at-home mum (which has been my dream since I was a little girl) and I don't know how I will cope mentally with that.
Lucky:  I am in a job where my manager and a couple of select co-workers are aware of my situation and what ALS and I are trying to achieve.  They have been incredibly supportive and let me work around my appointments with no qualms, despite the fact I'm new to the department and have asked for a lot of lenience in my first few months.  Once I do have to work around childcare I really can't see them being anything but supportive.

Unlucky:  We have to travel to Sheffield for all of our fertility appointments and to London for any procedures.  This is inconvenient and costly.
Lucky:  Whilst travel costs are expensive we are incredibly fortunate to live in a country where our fertility treatment (3 cycles or until we have a child - whichever comes first) is NHS funded.  I know the costs of doing this privately and quite honestly, if we didn't have the funding for it I would have to very quickly resign myself to being childless.

This last point is the one that I really want to touch on because I'm currently reading a blog (www.the2weekwait.blogspot.co.uk) by a lovely lady, living in America who had to go through many fertility treatments before she eventually became a mother.  The financial strain alone is excessive, let alone when you consider that you're already emotionally drained without having to worry about money too.  She is sadly not an exception, more of a depressing reality.  I genuinely cannot express how grateful I am to have been born into a country where I have the opportunity to have PGD IVF and I don't have to pay for it for the time being.

It's not easy but there's usually a way to put a positive spin on things and even during my short journey so far I feel like I have grown as a person and seem to be doing a far better job of keeping my chin up, not worrying too much and taking each days it comes!