Bump in the road...

Yesterday, I received a letter in the mail asking me to arrange a smear test as I'm nearly 25.  This morning, I emailed my IVF clinic in Sheffield to check if I was okay to have this done whilst on my FET meds or if I should wait till after the cycle (and after pregnancy if the cycle works).

Half an hour later I received an email saying that they will not do a transfer with an outstanding smear test so I'd need to get it done (and have the results) before transfer. With how my cycle is going transfer could be as early as 9th Feb, which is 2 weeks away.

Needless to say I panicked. I rang my GP Surgery who couldn't get me in until 7th Feb - no way my results would be ready in time. 

Fortunately, working in a gynaecology department has its benefits and I spoke to one of the nicer consultants, who took me straight down to clinic and did it there and then. It's a little odd having it done by someone you work with BUT I've had that many people fiddling around up there during this process, I really didn't care!

Quite a few of our consultants only really speak to their own secretaries and don't acknowledge us "lesser beings" but this consultant, let's call him Mr T, has always taken time to stop and have a chat with everyone who works for him so it was great to know someone so approachable.

My results will be with me in just over a week so I can rest easy - fingers crossed they're all clear!

Bleeders!

Nothing much to tell at the moment. I'm almost 2 weeks into the buserelin injections and I have a scan on Saturday to check my lining.

Just thought I'd do a small post because I'm annoyed at myself. I've "messed up" 3 injections in the last 7 days.

Last Thursday I hit a blood vessel on the right side. It didn't hurt at the time but it bled quite a bit and 2 minutes later it was hurting and already bruised. 6 days later that bruise is still going strong thanks to my poor healing.

Then on the Friday I got the angle wrong and injected too close to the surface of the skin. I normally have a large itchy patch around the injection site, for a few hours. As I'd gone too close to the surface I broke out in large, itchy, painful hives for a few hours instead.

The last few had been fine and then tonight I hit another blood vessel on the right. It was only 10 minutes ago and I can see the bruising coming out already. Apparently my right side is just full of blood vessels.

I know it's unavoidable as I can't see the blood vessels but last time I hit only one in the whole 5 weeks. This time I've hit 2, in close proximity, in 6 days. Just hope the medication isn't leaking out with the blood - I try and get pressure on it ASAP to avoid this but it's hard with sharps in your hand.

Does anyone else have any injection fails you'd like to share?

FET Attempt 2!

Yesterday, we had our appointment with the nurse to review our first FET and get started on the meds for FET number 2.  Fortunately, I was at exactly the right point in my pack of birth control pills to start the injections last night - if our appointment had been 2 days later I would have most likely had to wait another 4 weeks.

By the end of the last cycle, I was doing pretty much all of my own injections.  ALS did them in the beginning but as I got more confident I found it easier to just get on with it and do it myself.  I did the injection at half 8 last night without even thinking about it - I think he was a little offended that I didn't ask for his help, bless him!

We are looking to transfer around the 15th Feb (if the cycle takes exactly as long as last time) but it could be as early as 9th Feb or a little later if my lining is slow.  I'll be getting on to the pomegranate juice as soon as I start the oestrogen this time in the hope that my lining is ready at the first look, rather than the second.  As before, I'm taking my folic acid and Vitamin D.  The medication protocol itself has not been changed from the last cycle, as there didn't appear to be anything wrong.  I guess we were just unlucky - there's always a chance it won't work but here's hoping that this cycle is the one!

Hello AF

Yesterday, AF showed up after my failed transfer. Before I started taking the pill I had horrendously painful periods and I've experienced them on and off this year whilst having fertility tests etc. This period is different, it's way worse. I assumed the artificially thickened lining but either way it isn't fun. I expected heavy bleeding but so far that's not been too bad.

I dragged myself to work this morning but within an hour the cramps had me in agony and every time I moved I felt like I was going to throw up.  I spoke to my team leader who suggested I go home.

When I told one of the girls in the office I was leaving and that I felt horribly sick, she immediately said, "You're not pregnant, are you?".

Well, no. No I'm not. Exactly the opposite in fact. It upset me a little but I honestly felt way too sick to really notice. It sucks that people always jump to that question or ask when you're having kids or any other equally invasive question. I guess it's just another thing I have to get used to unless I want to explain my situation to everyone!

Thanks for playing, better luck next time.

I'm aware that I haven't actually posted about transfer or the two week wait but I've been incredibly busy - I do have a post mostly written and I'll post it later this week but matters have been overtaken.

I had my beta yesterday (100 mile round trip for a blood test) and then headed off to work.  We had to ring at 1:30pm for the results so I asked ALS to ring and let me know when I got home - I'm not mentally prepared to deal with stuff like that at work.  When he picked me up, I got in the car and he was looking quite sheepish, holding a sign that said "Pub?".  I knew exactly what it meant.  I shrugged, I choked back the tears and asked him to take me home.

It sucks.  It really sucks.  At least I have a definitive answer (my HCG level was < 1 so definitely not pregnant) but it wasn't the one I was hoping for.  I cried for a short while but then I picked myself up and headed to the gym.  Honestly, I did feel better for it.  I slept surprisingly well and then coped pretty well at work today,  We had a fuddle with the whole department at lunch today and whilst in the room with a load of people I'd never met, I crumbled.  I excused myself and went for a little cry.  I have no idea why. I can talk to people about it and be fine but I just wasn't ready for a big social group I guess - despite nobody knowing what was going on, aside from 2 of my close colleagues.  I'd guess that it's because I'd been having to keep myself sane for most of the day.  I work in a Maternity & Gynae Department at my local hospital.  This morning I had to deal with some stuff in the Fertility Unit, then I had to go to the Antenatal Clinic (full of pregnant ladies, of course), then I had to sort out the postnatal discharges (most of the notes have lovely pictures of baby scans in them).  It's not the ideal job - I dealt with it well today but it will only get harder with each failed cycle.

I've done a pretty good job of rationalising so far:

1.  I can now have a drink over Christmas.
2.  On days when I'm super tired, I can actually have caffeine.
3.  No more waxy, disgusting pantyliners from the stupid pessaries.
4.  We didn't expect this to work first time anyway.
5.  We deliberately started doing this whilst we're young because we knew it would take a long time.
6.  I don't have to explain to my mum that I'm pregnant (I don't care that I'm 24 years old, I'm still terrified of telling her)!
7.  I can now lift heavy weights at the gym again.
8.  It will happen when it's time.

What I have definitely learnt from this is that I am a LOT stronger than I give myself credit for.  ALS has told me that he's so proud of me and that I'm incredibly strong compared to when we first met each other.  He's definitely helped me to control my emotions and deal with things, rather than just either bottling up or crying at everything.

I'm expecting a few more days of random emotional moments, especially as all the hormones leave my system.  I'm expecting a horrendous period thanks to my extra thickened lining.  Then, I'm expecting life to go on.

We agreed to regroup, enjoy Christmas with our family and friends and then try again in the new year.  We have an appointment with our PGD Coordinator on 6th January to discuss starting a second FET cycle.  I'll probably be quite absent until then, what with all the Christmas festivities and all, but I'll keep you posted when anything IVF-related actually happens.

Also, I WILL get the transfer/2ww post up in the next couple of days!

En Route!

I'm writing this post on the train to London. Today is the day we transfer one of our 3 unaffected embryos.

I'm experiencing a mixture of feelings at the moment; excitement, nerves, curiosity.  I'm trying hard not to feel any of them.  I don't want to worry about it because stress is bad for conception. I don't want to be excited because then I'll be more upset if it doesn't work.

I'll do a full post about the experience later in the week. Wish us luck!

SEVEN!

I've just discovered that Blogger has an app so now I can blog on the go (or, in tonight's case, whilst tucked up in bed). Hopefully this will lead to more frequent, less random posts!

Anyway, on to the main event. My endometrial lining. This morning I had another scan and we've finally reached 7mm!

After the scan we were sent on our way and told that Guy's would get in touch with us this afternoon to arrange and date, most likely Monday. So that ruled out Monday. When I was waiting for my date for egg collection I was told Guy's would want me on the Thursday and, if not, then definitely on the Friday. Actually egg collection was the following Monday! At least this time I knew not to get too excited.

The phone call finally came just before I left work and we are officially booked in for embryo transfer on Tuesday 6th December. It's so weird to think that in just over a fortnight this part of our journey will be over, one way or another. I started the stimulation meds on 19th August so this cycle will be just short of 4 months when I find out if the transfer has stuck (15th December). 4 months of waiting: waiting for my follicles to grow, waiting for egg collection, waiting to see how many embryos made it to biopsy, waiting for the PGD results, waiting for a follow up in Sheffield, waiting for my period, waiting to start FET meds, waiting for my lining to thicken, waiting for transfer and finally, that unenviable 2 week wait. Fortunately, in our case, as we are implanting a day 5 blastocyst it is only a 9 day wait but I imagine it will still feel like a lifetime.

I'm already getting impatient and there's still a week before we even get to transfer.  I'm going to try and have an early night - between getting a little "us time" in last night and the early start to Sheffield this morning I only had about 5 hours sleep, nowhere near enough for my EDS to be happy.

Sweet dreams!