Bittersweet Moments!

It occurred to me the other day that if our first transfer had worked, baby would have been due on 24th August so I would either have a baby now or be 4 days overdue.

Whilst I feel a twinge of sadness for our lost embryo, the pain is a lot easier to deal with knowing that I'm carrying our second embryo and he/she will be here in another couple of months.

I was devastated when they embryo didn't stick but looking back now I can see that the time just wasn't right.  If I'd become pregnant I would have never taken the opportunity to come back to my current job when it arose, which has put me in a far better position mentally to be able to deal with being pregnant and deal with the idea of having to go back to work after my maternity leave.  It may seem inconsequential to some but I know for a fact that my own mental state being so much better will make me a far better mother and you can't put a time limit on that - the extra few months was worth the wait.

On another note, if it had worked first time, by November I'd have a 2 month old and time would be flying by. This way I still have everything to look forward to and all those firsts to experience. I'm also still getting to enjoy my pregnancy. Both of these are big things for me as I'm very aware that I'm currently experiencing pregnancy for the first, but possibly also last, time.  We have one embryo in the freezer which we plan to transfer at a later date but if that doesn't stick, we can't afford to pay for another full cycle so our little Pip may well end up as an only child.  This makes me want to savour the whole experience as much as possible.

I know it's easy for me to say "be positive" and "look on the bright side" when I'm currently pregnant and my failed transfer is behind me and I would probably feel very differently if I'd had further failed transfers and was still waiting for my miracle, but please have faith that it will happen when the timing is right. I didn't see that the timing wasn't quite right when we first had the transfer but now I realise it wouldn't have been as perfect as it is now.

Wishing you all lots of sticky baby dust <3