Reading List!

I absolutely LOVE reading.  Needless to say, pregnancy is the perfect time to get some reading in.  I am desperately trying to make it to my scan without worrying and I know it's early, so I shouldn't be getting too excited, but I've bought a couple of little treats! I like to have as much information as possible about everything so I've got a list of pregnancy books, that I want to read in the next 8 months, as long as my arm.

I've spent hours browsing on Amazon and I've settled for 2 for now, one for me and one for ALS (although his looks much more humourous so I intend to read that too)!  

I found this book on the Kindle and it actually had a free sample to give me an idea of what was in store.  I definitely wanted to read more so it was my first purchase!  You can find it here.

This one had brilliant reviews and I've seen it recommended on various blogs and websites, hopefully it's as good as I'm expecting.  This is another one from Amazon.

I will be posting reviews of both books once I've read them and hopefully ALS will actually read the Survival Guide so I can get his opinion, as a father-to-be.

What books did you enjoy during pregnancy?  Did you read pregnancy books or fiction?  Was there anything else you enjoyed doing to pass the time?

Grandparents & Great-Grandparents to be!

Yesterday, we went and told my mum, grandparents and ALS' grandparents our news.  We were initially going to wait until after our scan at 7 weeks, but I already felt bad that I'd not involved my mum in the IVF process and not even told her what was happening.  That being said, I was absolutely petrified to tell her as she often says "Don't get any ideas" when I tell her someone's pregnant and I also didn't want her to be upset about the fact that she'd not been involved so far.

Fortunately, she was incredibly supportive.  She knew about the IVF process but didn't know that we had already started so she was quite shocked.  However, she said she'd had suspicions because last time we discussed the process I seemed to know WAY too much detail!  She's over the moon and completely understood my decision to not tell her about the IVF due to her health (she has suffered with anxiety and depression for a long time and recently has started having stress-induced migraines).  She admitted that she'd have worried a lot about it and that this was probably for the best.  She has, however, informed me that from hereon in she will be here night and day, for anything I need.  My grandparents were also pretty pleased and my grandad (to ALS' relief) took it all very well - I think he especially liked the part where he found out that it was IVF so he can keep his image of his sweet, innocent grandaughter.  My grandma actually asked for my permission to start knitting bits for the baby (after we've had a scan and confirmation that everything is okay - always practical).

We followed this up with a trip to ALS' grandparents (accompanied by his dad, stepmother and brother) to tell them.  His grandad was so overwhelmed he actually cried - which was a beautiful moment.  They're both very excited.  They all celebrated with a glass of wine (except for the proud parents as I'm pregnant and ALS was driving) but everyone else enjoyed it!

It's starting to sink in now... a little bit.  There's still a long way to go before I actually accept what's happening and it starts to feel real.

Pregnancy - 4 week update

How far along?  4 weeks, 2 days.  

How big is baby?  Obviously, we've had no scans measurements but about the size of a poppy seed.

Total weight gain/loss?  I'm 57.2kg, which is  a bit less than I was last week (58.5kg).  My weight fluctuates between 58-60kg on average.  I'm going to go with 58.5kg being my "pre-pregnancy weight" and add on from there, so I'm currently -1.3kg.

Waist?  25 inches.

Stretchmarks?  None, I bought myself some Palmer's Cocoa Tummy Butter yesterday and I've already added it into my routine when I get into bed at night.

Maternity clothes?  Not even given them a thought - it'll be a while before I need them!

Sleep?  I'm sleeping like a baby, once I get to sleep.  I'm so excited from the news and too busy thinking about how we're going to tell people and what we need to do/buy so it's hard to get to sleep.  However, I'm pretty exhausted so once I get there, I stay there!  I am waking up once or twice to pee - that wasn't unusual for me a while ago but over the last few months I've worked really hard to train my overactive bladder out of it, I guess I'll have to get used to it again.

Best moment this week?  Getting that positive beta result - and such a high number too!

Movement?  Nothing yet, way too early.

Food cravings?  Nothing so far, I'm not overly hungry at the moment despite not being particularly nauseous.  

Food aversions?  Nothing.

Gender?  Absolutely no idea - this week it's being called Poppy (due to being the size of a poppy seed) so let's guess at girl?

Labour signs?  DEFINITELY NOT!  Don't want any of that for another 36 weeks.

Pregnancy symptoms?  I'm a little nauseous, but only when I start to get hungry.  If I'm late for a meal, I know about it!  My sense of smell is going crazy too - I keep smelling things that aren't there, or are so mild nobody else can smell them.  I'm pretty fatigued but it's been a long, mentally tiring couple of weeks with the embryo transfer and 2 week wait, so that's pretty understandable.

Belly button in or out?  In.

What I miss?  As I'm so tired, I'm really missing caffeine, but as I gave it up in August for the fertility treatment it's not too hard - I'm pretty used to it now.

What I am looking forward to?  Tomorrow, I'm going to tell my mum.  I'm nervous (she always suggests babies aren't something I should be thinking about yet) but excited at the same time!  I think she'll be really happy when she gets over the initial shock.

Upcoming appointments/scans?  I have a scan at the clinic in Sheffield on 14th March (6 weeks 6 days), it's going to feel like a VERY long wait.

Weekly wisdom?  When you're going to get your bounty gift box (free with the Bounty App), you only  have 20 minutes to claim it.  Even if you're already in Boots, don't click claim until you know they haven't run out!  There was an option for "Not available" but the sales assistant accidentally clicked something on my phone and it said I'd claimed it.  I've sent an email so hopefully I'll still manage to get one - I do love freebies.

Milestones?  Being pregnant enough to get a positive pregnancy test!

Bump Picture:

Obviously no bump yet, just a little bit of podge from not exercising much over the last 2 weeks! 

Good news!

Sorry it has taken me so long to post this but it's been a very hectic 24 hours!

After my beta yesterday, ALS rang for the results at around 1:30pm.  I didn't get to finish work until 3pm so the poor guy had to wait again to break the news.  When he picked me up, I got in the car and this was waiting on the seat for me:

I didn't realise at first that the number on the balloon was actually my beta HCG level - it's so high!  Some people are already speculating that it's twins.  Mostly I'm just speculating that it will lead to horrendous morning sickness - which I will, quite honestly, welcome.  I intend to treasure every pregnancy symptom, good and bad!

Needless to say, when I got home I had to pee on a stick - just to see those double lines.  It was a naff, cheap test that we were given from the hospital but it still had the desired effect:

For anyone who is going through IVF at the moment, here are the symptoms I had whilst on the 2 week wait:

• Very mild cramping.
• Tiredness - a lot more than normal, bordering on exhaustion.
• Nausea.
• Sciatica - I have had problems with sciatica all year but it's been well under control recently, until the last few days.

As you well know, these symptoms could all be caused by the progesterone (aside from the sciatica, which always flares up when I stop my intense exercise regime).  They could also be signs of my period showing up.  However, this time, they turned out to actually be signs of pregnancy!

Since the positive beta, I've felt pretty much nothing to be honest.  I am exactly 4 weeks and 1 day today, with a due date of 1st November.  I have a scan on 14th March to check everything is okay and, all being well, I will then graduate from the fertility clinic to normal obstetric care at my local hospital.  

Aside from being ecstatic, I'm VERY nervous right now.  This is the best feeling in the world and I desperately do not want it to go away.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!  For those on the journey, I wish you all the luck and baby dust in the world - although my journey is far from over, I do appreciate that it has, so far, been a LOT shorter than most and I am incredibly grateful for that.

Please note, that this blog was never intended to be an infertility blog (as you know, that's not our reason for doing IVF) and was always intended to the whole journey to a family; conception, pregnancy and beyond.

When it's sunk in a little bit I will post about the rest of our evening, telling our nearest and dearest and how we're feeling...

Peace out!

Rainbow baby?

I saw 2 rainbows on my way back to work so I feel calmer.

Maybe this will be my miracle.

Then again... I also saw something in the road that was either a dead badger in 2 pieces or 2 dead badger cubs. Ominous!

Not optimistic!

If my morning so far is anything to go by, my beta will be negative.

I'm currently sat in the waiting room to have my bloods done but the drive here was awful.

One of the roads I normally use was closed so I had to find my way a different way. For the first time, I made the journey alone today due to ALS having just started a new job and not being able to get time off. It's only a blood test so I shouldn't have needed him - but having him navigate would have been a bonus.

Also, my car is making a funny noise when the engine is on and the car is stationary. I have a 50+ mile drive home so now I'm very nervous.

Oh... and it's horribly windy and I nearly got blown over walking up the hill to the clinic.

8dp5dt

I realised recently that I didn't post at all during the 2 week wait last time - probably because I was quietly optimistic and wasn't agonising over it like I am now!

Beta day tomorrow, it's going to be a long day waiting for the results. As last time, ALS will call for my results around 2pm and let me know when I get home from work at 4pm. Unfortunately, he has to go to work at 5pm so I'll be left to deal alone - on the bright side, if it's negative, I will head to work with him to use the gym, swimming pool and jacuzzi then come home and have a hot bath followed by a cocktail. I already feel good knowing I have a plan in place for bad news.

In terms of symptoms, I'm either pregnant or I'm getting ill. I keep feeling nauseous, my sciatica is back with a vengeance and I'm absolutely exhausted.

The nausea is probably the progesterone. The sciatica is probably the lack of exercise. The exhaustion is probably from how mentally draining this is and also a lack of exercise.

Trying to stay positive whilst preparing myself for the worst. Wish me luck!

4dp5dt

It's been a LONG 4 days.  Work has been slow so it's not been easy to distract myself.  Evenings haven't been too bad but I'm definitely missing the gym - I've been doing some small stuff at home to keep myself active.  Unfortunately, my EDS flares up when I don't exercise regularly so I'm extra fatigued from not doing so much.  It's hard getting a balance between not overdoing it/protecting the embryo and doing enough that my body doesn't start complaining.

I've had horrible insomnia for the last few days for no apparent reason - partly because I'm thinking but, even when I manage to clear my head, I don't seem to be getting to sleep very quickly.  This morning I woke up at 6:15am to do my pessary and then had an hour to sleep before I had to get up for work... except I spent that hour trying not to throw up.  I'm trying not to read too much into it though, it's probably just the progesterone.  However, last time I had nausea but nothing so severe so maybe it's a good sign.

I also had a really sore boob earlier, then I realised there was a thread caught around my nipple piercing.  Talk about trying to find symptoms!

Every time I show any sort of symptom (nausea, tiredness etc.) one of the girls at work suggests that pregnancy causes those symptoms.  There's a few of them who know what's going on and between them they've all suggested it at least once.  The conversation usually goes something like this:

"Oo that's a symptom of pregnancy."

"Yes, it is.  It's caused by the increase in progesterone.  Do you know what also causes an increase in progesterone, and therefore the same symptoms?  These progesterone pessaries that I've been shoving in my vagina twice a day for the last week."

Okay... so I'm a bit more polite about it than that, but that's how the conversation goes in my head!

Nearly halfway though - tomorrow should be interesting, but I'll do a post when I see how it pans out.

1dp5dt!

I'm currently lay with my legs propped up and a pillow under my bum waiting for my progesterone pessary to be absorbed.  What better time to write a blog post?

As you know, yesterday was our second transfer.  We headed down to London at 9am and made it to Guy's at around 11:30.  The transfer wasn't booked until 12:10 so we settled down in the waiting room and I dove into my book (I only started reading it yesterday on the train, but I'm hooked).  I was just putting the book down, at the end of a chapter, when the doctor called us through - pretty much on time!  I was a bit dubious as it was the same doctor doing the procedure as last time.  Whilst she was nice, she didn't explain anything to me and it felt very impersonal.

We put on our (very attractive) gowns and hairnets and sat down with the embryologist.  She explained that our second embryo had thawed nicely and was showing signs of re-expanding, which leaves us with one in the freezer for future use.  With that, we signed the consent forms and I assumed the position.

The sonographer squirted the jelly onto my stomach (it was cold this time, which confused me a little) and got in position.  I'd made sure to get my bladder extra full, as I was told it was only half full last time.  She said it was perfect but her pressing on it caused me a lot of pain, added to when the doctor inserted the speculum.  The whole procedure was a lot more uncomfortable, even painful, than last time but it was over quite quickly and my fears about the impersonal doctor were allayed.  She took the time to show me what she was doing on the screen and explained what I could see.  I guess she was just having a bad day last time - they were running on time, instead of an hour late, yesterday which probably helped.

10 minutes later we were on our way back to the train station, grabbed a quick McDonald's and headed home.  I'm trying not to think about it too much but it's certainly hard.  My colleagues have completely wrapped me in cotton wool all day at work - it's nice but I'm already bored.  I used last night to do a load of meal prep and housework so tonight I'm having a rest.

I'll keep you updated if anything happens but I'm guessing the next point of interest will be my beta on 22nd!

FET #2

FET #2 is a go tomorrow!

When I went for my scan (after 2 weeks of oestrogen) my lining was thick enough first time - last time I had to wait a few more days.  I'm putting this down to a full glass of pomegranate juice every day since I started the oestrogen.

Mr T chased up my smear results early last week and, fortunately, everything is fine in that respect so there's nothing stopping us now.

We have the trains booked to get to London and we've taken some pointers from last time:

1.  We've spent a little bit more money so we can travel at peak times, which will enable us to not have to walk around London killing hours until the train.  We walked about 8 miles after transfer last time which probably didn't help because it put quite a bit of stress on my body and my joints hurt a lot the day afterwards.

2.  I have a really good support network set up at work so I will be avoiding lifting files around as much as possible.  Last time, although a few people knew, I tried to carry on as normal.  Whilst this might not have had any effect, it's worth trying to be a little bit more careful.

3.  I will be having the whole 2 week wait (9 days in our case) away from the gym.  I'll be doing a lot of walking and gentle stretching but nothing that gets my heart rate up too much and nothing involving heavy lifting.  Once I am pregnant, I WILL be getting back to exercise though!  I've joined a new gym with a pool recently so I've been doing a lot of swimming.

4.  I got quite excited last time and ALS accidentally named the embryo, which he said goodnight to every night.  When it didn't work, I was crushed.  I know it will hurt regardless but I don't want to get my hopes up too much.  I'm running on a principle of "Hope for the best, but expect the worst" and trying to be realistic.

Hopefully, these few small changes might have a bit of an impact on my chances of success!

In other news, I found out this morning that one of my close friends is pregnant.  I'm not saddened by this at all, she's been trying for a while for her second child and was trying for well over 2 years for her first so she's more than deserving of a baby.  I'll be an honorary aunty to her new baby, just like I am to her daughter already and I'm over the moon for her and her husband.

Weirdly, it works out that she'll be 2 weeks ahead of me if this transfer works.  When my sister-in-law found out she was pregnant, it was the day of our first transfer and she's 2 weeks ahead of when I would have been due with that one.  Let's hope that this isn't a sign of failure this time.

All being well tomorrow, Beta day will be 22nd Feb - watch this space!