EPS or EDS?

I've been thinking that I haven't really had anything in the way of "early pregnancy symptoms".  However, the more I read about it, the more I realise that I'm probably just not really noticing them because they clash so much with my Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.

Morning sickness/nausea:
I'm generally a very nauseous person.  If I don't have breakfast as soon as I get up, I feel sick.  If I get tired, I feel sick.  If I get too hungry, I feel sick.  I spent a lot of my life feeling nauseous, so it's hard to tell what is pregnancy-related and what is just me.  I've had times in the last few weeks where I've had to force food down or I've sat over the toilet trying not to be sick BUT this is a regular occurrence for me.

Tiredness/fatigue:
I live my life in a perpetual state of fatigue, especially since I gave up caffeine in August for the IVF - I know they say you'll feel better for it in the long run, but I really don't.  I have days where I get home from work and just need a nap.  Getting up in a morning is ALWAYS a battle.  I regularly fall asleep if I lie down and watch a movie in an evening with my husband.  In hindsight, I have been a little more fatigued than normal lately, but this comes and goes in waves anyway, so if I didn't know I was pregnant I wouldn't have put it down to that.  Overwhelming fatigue is hard to explain and I think it's only when healthy women are pregnant or sleep deprived with babies that they start to understand the kind of fatigue us "Spoonies" deal with on a daily basis.  Hopefully, I'm quite well equipped to deal with this and keeping up my exercise regime, even when I don't feel like it, seems to be helping so far.

Sore boobs/nipples:
My boobs have definitely been achy - it's been nice to actually have something I can definitely call a pregnancy symptom.  However, people keep saying "wait until your nipples get sore".  I've had my nipples pierced for years and I am constantly catching them (they've never healed properly) so I'm pretty damn used to this.  Once I've had a reassuring scan, the piercings will be coming out so I have plenty of time to heal before baby is born.

Frequent urination:
I have an overactive bladder.  I pee around once an hour.  I get up once or twice (sometimes more) every night to pee - I had just managed to start getting this under control but then pregnancy ensued and it went out the window.  However, this is again something I'm quite used to so haven't really found that annoying so far.

Joint aches and pains:
I'm no stranger to these, being the main part of my condition.  I also had a bout of sciatica in the summer which has flared up on and off.  I'm getting quite good at rehabilitating myself from the sciatica quite quickly with stretches and such though.  It's flared up majorly in the last week but I can ease the pain quite well with half an hour of stretching.  My sister-in-law, who's 18 weeks, has just started experiencing sciatica so I've been able to give her a few tips to help her ease it - I'm not sure if she's tried any of them yet but hopefully they'll help.

I'm partially glad I don't have any major symptoms and partially annoyed - I really want to FEEL pregnant and experience everything along the way!  So maybe I do have symptoms and I've just not actually realised yet because they blend in so well with my health problems anyway.  People keep telling me I'm just having an "easy pregnancy" but I really think (without bragging) that I'm just so used to dealing with my body's horrible condition I'm not really finding them troublesome.

Obviously I'm not saying some women don't have horrible pregnancies - those who have things like hyperemesis gravidarum, rather than just mild morning sickness, and the like.  I'm not comparing my situation to those women.  I know this sounds really pretentious, but as average pregnancies go, I think women just maybe aren't used to dealing with the sort of symptoms that arise.  For once my condition has been beneficial, preparing me for this stuff.  Maybe I'm just so grateful to be pregnant after everything we've had to deal with that I appreciate every little feeling that reminds me I'm growing a human!  I know it's hard work but think of the miracle you're creating and try to enjoy it - it is a damn good excuse to have a good moan now and then though.

Pregnancy - 6 week update

How far along?  6 weeks

How big is baby?  I have a couple of apps on my phone - their suggestions vary including lentil, grain of rice, pomegranate seed and sweet pea.  I'm going with pomegranate seed seeing as I've been drinking pomegranate juice religiously for weeks.

Total weight gain/loss?  I was exactly 56.6kg again this morning so no change this week.  That puts me at a 1.9kg loss so far.


Waist?  I haven't measured it this week but my weight hasn't changed and my clothes feel the same so I'm guessing nothing.

Stretchmarks?  Not for a long time yet I hope!  Although I do have some on my hips from when puberty hit me.

Maternity clothes?  Not for a while yet.

Sleep?  I've slept a little better this week although we had a couple of late nights at the weekend and no substantial lie ins so I could really do with a bit of extra sleep!

Best moment this week?  Starting my new (old) job... although it's been a little awkward as more than one person has asked me if I'm thinking about having kids any time soon.  A few weeks ago that might have upset me a little, now I'm just sat excitedly thinking "If only you knew"!

Movement?  Nothing yet, way too early.

Food cravings?  Nothing - I still don't really have much appetite at all.

Food aversions?  Nothing.

Gender?   No idea and I don't think we're going to find out... but that could change.

Labour signs?  Definitely not.

Pregnancy symptoms?  I got SO excited at the weekend as I had sore boobs - my first proper pregnancy symptoms.  I text my pregnant sister-in-law and my best friend, they mostly just seemed confused that I was so excited about the discomfort haha!  I've had a lot of sharp pains on my right hand side combined with some diarrhoea.  Needless to say I panicked and jumped straight to ectopic pregnancy - more on that later.  I'm also having some shortness of breath when just walking around but that's most likely just the progesterone as I've had it for the last couple of weeks.

Belly button in or out?  In.

What I miss?  Not having to plan my daily schedule around pessaries and tablets - counting down to 12 weeks when I can stop them!

What I am looking forward to?  I have my early scan on Tuesday next week, only 5 more sleeps!!

Upcoming appointments/scans?  See above.

Weekly wisdom?  Always seek advice.  I rang 111 about my right sided pains and diarrhoea last night and the woman immediately asked me to get to the Urgent Care Centre.  The doctor there seemed less concerned - my temperature, pulse and urine were all fine.  He examined me and said that the pain was too far over to be pregnancy related and that it was probably just a tummy bug.  All day I'd thought it was trapped wind and this was probably right.  However, it gave me the peace of mind to get a good night's sleep and I was told repeatedly that I'd done the right thing and to see my GP today if there'd been no improvement - fortunately there has!

Milestones?  First proper pregnancy symptom - sore boobs!

Bump picture:

I don't think there's been any change - this is just a different angle (again).  It's really hard getting the same angle every week without taking a million pictures!  You can really see the lovely stretchmarks on my hips, hopefully pregnancy doesn't add any more.

Ignorance is Bliss

This morning I woke up with pains in the lower right side of my abdomen. On my 30 minute commute to work they've slowly worsened and spread upwards and round my back.

I'm now sat in the car park, waiting to go into work and wondering what it is.  It's probably trapped wind (thanks to these damn pessaries) but my brain has jumped to an ectopic. If I hadn't worked in gynaecology for the last 7 months, I wouldn't even have had that thought.

Ergo... ignorance is bliss.

"How to Grow a Baby" - Review

You may remember that last week I bought some pregnancy books.  I've already made my way through the first one so here's my review!

I'd read a snippet of this book for free on the Kindle and it sounded like exactly the kind of pregnancy book for me.  I didn't realise until today that this book was only released a month ago, so I imagine not a lot of people have read it yet (unless you're pregnant at the moment).

Clemmie Hooper provides an informative, humourous, no-nonsense guide to pregnancy, birth and the first few weeks of being a new mum.  As a midwife, she has a great insight into the medical aspects of pregnancy and as a mother of four girls, she has plenty of personal experience to complement her knowledge.  

The book is split into sections relevant to the stages of pregnancy with cute illustrations of what size fruit/vegetable your foetus is likely to be at that stage - it's a little scary when it's a fully grown pumpkin by the end!

Alongside Clemmie's writing, she has excerpts from various other writers covering all sorts of topics.  There's articles about hypnobirthing, pregnancy massage, diet, exercises and doulas - to name just a few.  Scattered throughout the book are quotes from real mums covering everything from sex to postnatal depression, which makes everything feel a little less alien and a little more comforting.

Possibly my favourite part of the book is the birth stories.  Towards the end of the book there are stories written by women who have experienced all kinds of birth, including C-sections, natural delivery, epidurals, induction and home birth.  Hearing from people who have experienced these scenarios brings a real personal touch to the book.

Overall, it was a great read.  It was informative but entertaining at the same time.  It didn't throw pages and pages of statistics at you and it always explained every option.  I've heard a lot of complaints about books that push natural delivery without medication or that make you feel guilty if you choose not to breastfeed, but this was not one of those.  Everything was clear and concise with enough detail to help you make informed choices, without telling you what you should be doing or confusing you with too much unnecessary information.

I would highly recommend How to Grow a Baby (and Push it Out).  You can also check out Clemmie's writing on her blog (where it all started).

Enjoy your work!

I had a job I loved... and it ruined my life!

Okay, so I may be being a tiny bit dramatic but this is pretty much how I feel at the moment.  It's a feeling I wasn't able to shake for most of 2016.

I should make it clear at this point that since I started having problems with my EDS and had to drop out of sixth form (twice) any career ambition I may have had was gone. I wanted to be a midwife but I couldn't handle long shifts or being on my feet for large periods of time. I wanted to work in a job where I was good at what I did, had a relative amount of responsibility (but nothing majorly stressful - which counts out working with the general public) but could go home at the end of the day and leave work at work.

I started my working life as a Legal Secretary and I hated it.  Despite the fact that the Solicitors I worked for were brilliant, the nature of the work made it somewhat unbearable.  It was a criminal law firm and they were defending criminals - there were a few innocent people who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but they were the rare ones.  Clients were often very verbally abusive and I was often the only one in the building to deal with the situation.  As an 18 year old girl that was scary.  I stuck it out for just under 3 years; it was good money considering I was fresh out of school (it started off well and I had a couple of pay rises after performance appraisals), the people were supportive and I just didn't feel I could leave something where I was considered to be doing well.  Eventually I got very depressed, to the point where I would sob the whole way to work.  My husband (very soon after we got together) gave me the confidence to hand my notice in and walk away.  I did this with no prospects of a new job and just did agency work (making minimum wage) to keep myself going until something better came along.

I've always been fascinated by medicine so when a job came up at my local hospital as a Clinical Typist for the Paediatric Department I jumped at the chance to apply for it.  Little did I know it would be the single best career decision I ever made.  It is the only job I have ever had where I NEVER looked for other jobs.  I was never unhappy about going to work (even when we had an alcoholic working with us and being quite hostile).  I got up every morning and looked forward to it - I'd often do about 15 hours overtime a week, which was great for the money (I got paid time and a half) but also didn't feel like work.  Unfortunately, when we relocated I couldn't continue with the 30 minute commute as we had one car between us and I found a new job quicker than ALS.

I had a job in a lab for a while, which was impossible as I was on my feet all day and this was my lowest point.  In August 2016, I started working in the Maternity/Gynae Department at my local hospital.  This was in an admin capacity and was quite interesting.  However, it was hard work whilst I was going through the fertility treatment - although it had its perks when I ran out of medication or needed advice.  By Christmas it had gotten to a point where we were seriously overstaffed and I spent most of my time twiddling my thumbs.

In December, I was approached by my old manager and asked if I would be interested in returning to my old job in Paediatrics.  We have now become a 2 car family and ALS has a more local job, so I jumped at the chance.  Tomorrow, I am heading back to that job and I absolutely can't wait.  I'm looking forward to looking forward to work again.  

Admittedly, they might not be thrilled when they find out I'm pregnant but enjoying your job is so important for a happy life.  Plus, now I can actually imagine myself not entirely hating going back to work when I've had kids - instead of ending up depressed, tearing myself away from my baby and going to a job I hate.

Excited does not even cover it!

Throwback Thursday!

I've been keeping up my exercise this week and today was my last day at my current job - before starting a new one on Monday.  I thought I'd earned a night off the exercise so I've used my evening to read back through my blog from the beginning.  I noticed a few things:

1.  I've become a much more frequent poster since things have been happening regularly on the IVF/pregnancy front.

2.  All of my posts are at the wrong times as I've been running on US time, when I live in the UK.  Anything I posted in an early morning claims to have been posted the night before - I have now fixed this in my settings.  I'm still getting to grips with the intricacies of writing a blog, rather than just putting words into the box and posting them.

3.  I have learned a LOT in the last few years.  I'm not claiming to be an expert but I know a hell of a lot more about my own body, reproduction, IVF, hormonal medications, pregnancy and various other related subjects than I did when I started the blog.  I've found myself wanting to correct my mistakes, but I've left them as a memento.

4.  ALS and I have a great relationship and always have had.  It made me sad to read the posts about our difficulty with intimacy but I'm very pleased to say things are back to normal in that department.  We made a real conscious effort to work on our intimacy after the first FET failed and it's brought things back to normal.

5.  I haven't really posted much about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome; the symptoms, the management, the implications or anything else.  I will write a couple of posts in the next few weeks, which will hopefully help anyone struggling to learn how to deal with the condition.  If there's anything I've learned since I first fell ill (8 years ago) it's that you are the best judge of what works for you, try everything and don't let anyone tell you that you "can't" do things you want to do.

Happy Throwback Thursday!

Pregnancy - 5 week update

How far along?  5 weeks 

How big is baby?  I have a couple of apps on my phone - one is suggesting a sesame seed and one is suggesting an apple pip.  Seeing as they're around the same size, you can take your pick!  Personally, I think Pip sounds quite cute as a nickname for this week.

Total weight gain/loss?  56.6kg, another 0.6kg down this week.  Really hope this doesn't keep up.

Waist?  I haven't measured it this week but my weight hasn't changed and my clothes feel the same so I'm guessing nothing.

Stretchmarks?  Not for a long time yet I hope!

Maternity clothes?  Not for a while yet.

Sleep?  Between being excited, being nervous and just generally not being able to stop thinking, I've had very little sleep this week.  At least it's preparing me for the inevitable!

Best moment this week?  Telling my mum!

Movement?  Nothing yet, way too early.

Food cravings?  Nothing so far.  I really fancied apple juice for a few days, but now I've bought some I've not actually opened it.

Food aversions?  Nothing.

Gender?   No idea and I don't think we're going to find out... but that could change.

Labour signs?  Definitely not.

Pregnancy symptoms?  My sense of smell is super heightened - it's like a really crappy superpower.  I can't save lives BUT I can tell you what the family 5 doors away is having for dinner.  Other than that, absolutely nothing.  I really want to feel pregnant, even if it's just feeling sick.

Belly button in or out?  In.

What I miss?  Nothing much this week, I'm going to a strongman gym with my friends on Saturday and it'll be annoying not being able to lift heavy.  However, the gym have just adopted a husky puppy so I'm sure I can keep myself entertained!

What I am looking forward to?  I have a 3 day weekend coming up and then start my new (old) job on Monday... I have a post half written explaining this so all will become clear soon.

Upcoming appointments/scans?  Early scan on 14th March... only 13 days to go!

Weekly wisdom?  Exercise kills fatigue.  I really didn't feel like exercising at the beginning of this week because I was so tired from lack of sleep.  I've done a couple of home workouts and been swimming and I feel SO much better, despite still not getting much sleep.

Milestones?  Telling my mum - turns out, she's incredibly excited!

Bump picture:

Needless to say - there's not been any change in my bump (or lack of) yet!