I DO understand!

It makes me laugh on a daily basis how when I speak about looking forward to having children people (some with children, some without children) look at me like I'm insane and tell me that I don't get how hard it's going to be and I can't possibly understand because I don't have children.  It makes me kind of sad that nobody seems to advocate motherhood.  People are very quick to tell you the bad side and why you shouldn't have children, it's very rare to come across someone who actually says that they love being a mother and tell you it's the most rewarding thing ever.  But as we all know, it's easier to complain than to share something good!

Firstly, I am in no way expecting having children to be "easy", I'd love to be a stay at home mum but I do appreciate that it's probably a LOT harder than the job I do on a daily basis.  I don't want children because I think it'll be easy.  I want children because I want to bring life into the world, raise it alongside ALS and have someone to pass on my knowledge to and love unconditionally.  I know that I will probably be the hardest (and definitely longest) journey of my life but I am still excited for it.

Secondly, the process of having children will, for ALS and myself, be arduous in itself.  There is a lot of time, effort and unpleasant procedures that is going to go into ensuring that any child we have can be healthy.  The sheer amount of work that will go into creating any pregnancy we achieve is going to be massively difficult in itself and that's before a child is even created, but I'm fully prepared for that because I so desperately want to be a mother and want us to complete our family.  Obviously this is not something that people know so I can't hold it against them when they say that I'm looking at motherhood through rose tinted glasses.

Thirdly, I spent my first year or so after I left school childminding alongside my mother.  At our maximum we would have 5 children under the agae of 3 (2 of whom were under the age of 1).  People love to tell me how I won't just be able to "nip out of the house" and a day trip to the zoo won't be just a fun day out, it will be a nightmare.  Now obviously childminding wasn't a 24/7 thing, I didn't have sleep deprivation and I did have my evenings and weekends to just pop out without any preparation.  However there were numerous occasions when we had day trips out to the zoo.  At any given time 2 or 3 children were under my watch and I was solely responsible for fulfilling their needs and ensuring their safety.  Yes, getting out of the house was a bit of a mission (anyone who has tried to get 5 children all wearing shoes and coats at the same time before anyone has managed to remove anything will know that) but it was worth it.  There were embarrassing tantrums in places like zoos, play centres and all sorts but once again I loved it.  There was never a moment where it made me doubt having children and that was caring for other people's children, some of whom were not at all well behaved.  So I think, taking a day trip to the zoo with 1 or 2 children of my own is possible.  It won't be easy but it would be entirely worth it to give my kids a nice day out, spend some quality time together and share my love of animals with them.  Furthermore we have a very supportive family network so the odds of me going anywhere alone with kids is slim, there'll always be someone wanting to join the party (probably a grandparent wanting to soak up the grandkids as much as possible and spoil them rotten)!

Finally, I KNOW CHILDREN ARE FOR LIFE.  I know that I'm young but I have had a damn good life so far.  I have done many of the things I want to do and with all the complications regarding getting pregnant we want to start trying as soon as possible.  I'm not going to mess my life up by choosing to have children now (I'm not even that young - I'm 23!).  Not to mention the fact that I'm not planning on falling off the earth when middle aged; for example, if I have 2 children in the next 7 years I will be 30.  When they are 20 years old and relatively self sufficient I will only be 50 with a hell of a lot of life left ahead of me.  I want to be young enough to run around with my kids.  I'm not saying that choosing to have kids when you're older is in any way bad or wrong, it's just not for me.  Plans may not work out, it may take me 10 years to get pregnant which would make me 33 anyway.  With fertility treatments it is always better to start young as there is a high rate of success so I intend to.

So when people say to me that I don't know how hard it's going to be, I have a relatively good idea.  I'm sure there are things I've not thought about but parenthood is a learning curve and I am prepared for that, no matter how hard it gets.

Needless to say, I don't actually respond to people with any of these points.  I usually just smile and say I'm sure I'll be fine.  Anybody who is of any importance knows about my hopes for my future and also about the journey I'm taking to get there.  Anybody who doesn't, they have their opinion and that's fine but I know my own mind and I'm not rushing into anything.  Before you judge someone or try to talk them out of something, take a minute to consider they might be going through something very different to what you imagine.