Parents' Evening

 A couple of weeks ago we had Oscar's parents' evening.  It was lovely because we actually managed to do it face-to-face in the nursery garden and Ant was home in time to sort Oscar out so I could go without dragging a very chatty 3.5 year old with me!  My appointment was actually with the Nursery Manager/SENCO who has known Oscar since he first started and spends quite a lot of time working with him in pre-school. 

I couldn't be more proud of the things she told me!  They all adore him and she particularly has a soft spot for him.  He spends most of his time in the "older" group within pre-school (it's 3-5 year olds so they split them up).  His best friends (Julian, Alfie and Eashon) are all about starting school in September though which is a little bit awkward but I'm sure he will be okay.  Apparently developmentally they think he is really bright and exceeding expectations for his age which absolutely thrilled me.  It's really awful to admit but because I was always very academic from a young age I've always hoped for a smart child.  Obviously we know he is incredibly intelligent in many ways (he remembers everything he hears, knows so much about nature and the world around him etc) but there are quite a few more "standard" academic things that he finds hard (letters, numbers, mark making etc) so it is nice to know that his skills are being recognised in the educational environment.

She also said that his eating is really coming along - obviously that's not the case at home but he is eating most things at nursery, aside from vegetables, so at least he's getting a healthy lunch five days a week. 

The best thing she said was that he loves to make people laugh, which we have noticed too.  If he does something and you laugh he will do that same thing over and over again so you keep laughing.  Given this, and how needy he can be, he is probably going to end up in stand-up comedy!

Overall, it was such a glowing report and I was so proud of him.  We absolutely picked the best nursery where he is really thriving and I can't wait to see how much he grows in confidence and skill over the next year with them!

Anything is Better than Nothing!

At 5:30 this evening I received a phone call from the Consultant, rather unexpectedly.  Given that it was past 5 PM on a Friday I had just assumed that we wouldn't hear anything now until next week.  I was in the midst of packing a suitcase with Oscar as we are going to stay with my dad for the weekend and it caught me rather off guard.  The conversation started on quite an amusing note, the Consultant asked to speak to me, let me know he had our results and then it went like this:

Oscar:  Is that my daddy?

Consultant:  I hope not!

Me:  Not unless something went very wrong in the lab the first time.

Consultant:  I think I'd be struck off for that.

That's about where the amusing stuff stopped.  As it turns out we have one embryo to use, just one.  Three were at risk of HD - which is kind of annoying because they could be perfectly fine but because we are doing exclusion testing there is no way to know.  The fourth embryo was a high level mosaic which means it most likely wouldn't result in a pregnancy and, if it did, would likely result in miscarriage or stillbirth.  So that leaves little embryo number five.  I was so flustered that I didn't even think to ask him about the quality.  He suggested that we now speak to our nurse to arrange the transfer cycle so I will go over all the details with her.  It was quite hard to concentrate because obviously Oscar was chattering away at me.

I immediately messaged a couple of friends because Ant was at work and I wanted to speak to him about it in person but also really needed to discuss it straight away.

Generally, I'm doing okay.  Obviously I'm really disappointed and I'm already anxious about being anxious and ruining the cycle because there's so much pressure on this one, being our only chance and all.  However, I'm going to use the next month to get myself healthy and in good shape (hopefully) and then we are hoping to start the medication for the transfer straight after the August bank holiday weekend - we are at a wedding that weekend.  That way, if we need to isolate, we have nothing planned after August and also we have a holiday planned in November so if the transfer doesn't work we have something to look forward to at least.

I've emailed the nurse this evening to update her but she's on annual leave until Wednesday so I don't expect to hear anything until the back end of next week and then we can get planning.  In the meantime, I've already written myself an exercise plan (which I would have started this week if I'd not been ill) and will get my meal plans sorted!

Embryo Growth & Testing

 So, I’m doing an abysmal job of keeping this updated but I’m finding myself just absolutely swamped with a never-ending to-do list at the moment and then have been written off with a rotten cold and cough for a bit too!  I spend half my time wondering how I will ever cope with another human being to take care of and the other half thinking it will be okay because at least I’ll be on maternity leave and Oscar will be at school by then!

 

We got a phone-call the day after egg collection to tell us that, of our 16 eggs, 12 eggs were good quality and we had 9 that had fertilised.  By the Monday we had about 6 that were looking good and on the Wednesday they managed to biopsy and freeze 5 which is exactly the same as last time and hopefully gives us a good chance of having a successful pregnancy.  This time we are doing PGS testing as well as PGD which means we might end up with less embryos overall but hopefully any we do get will be more likely to be successful.  Last time we got 3 out of the 5 which is about par for the course as the PGD test is a 50/50 chance so we would be expecting maybe 2 or 3 this time but with the PGS I am conscious that it could be lower.

 

I’d established that I would be accepting of 2 and happy with 3.  Anything more and I would be absolutely ecstatic but if we only got 1 I would be definitely petrified because it gives us just the one chance.  However sometimes it only takes one and anything is better than nothing.  I can’t even bring myself to consider the possibility of not getting any!  I have however suggested to Ant that, however many we get, we need a pregnancy with the last one.  For example; if we got two embryos and the first didn’t work but the second did then we get our sibling and everyone is happy.  However, if the first one works and we have two children, we then have to decide whether to use the third (which I reckon we would).  In doing so, we set ourselves up to accept a three-child household so, even if we would never initially have had three children, it becomes something you want and then end up losing if it doesn’t work.  It’s really hard to put into words but I know what I mean.

 

We were due to have an appointment with the Consultant to discuss the results on 26 July however we had to cancel this as we still didn’t have the results back.  We were told they could take up to three weeks and it was only 19 days post-biopsy so we knew there was a chance of them not returning in time.  However, last time they only took ten days!  Currently it is 29 July, so 3 weeks and 1 day post-biopsy and still nothing.  I’m generally not stressing about it, or even really thinking about it, however every time my phone rings I get so nervous so I’ll be glad when we are taken out of limbo.  Our nurse is brilliant and I know she will let me know as soon as she has the results.  The Consultant can’t fit us in for an appointment now until September but he is going to arrange an ad-hoc phone consultation once the results are back so we don’t have to delay unnecessarily.

 

I’ve spent SO long agonising over the timing of it all but now I think I just need to take it as it comes and go for it whenever we can rather than thinking too much about it and trying to plan too hard.  Ideally we would avoid a due date around when Oscar starts school as both starting school and having a sibling are massive life events that he might struggle with so we would rather not do both at the same time.  It would be nice if we could have a baby before that point so that I’m on maternity leave when he starts school but I was initially cautious about not wanting a summer baby because they would be so young starting school.  However, I guess it would save on childcare costs!  So, as it stands, we will just go for it whenever we can but aim to avoid an August or September due date to help Oscar out!  I did like the idea of an October due date but I don’t think this would be achievable given the closures of the clinic over Christmas and I’m also a bit impatient and don’t really want to wait that long.  I’m going to have a discussion about it with Tracy and hopefully she can provide some insight as it also very much depends on the isolation rules.

 

First things first, we need to ensure we actually have an embryo to use I suppose!

Egg Collection!

 I've not got round to posting in the last week so I'm going to try and do a few updates in quick succession.  First up, egg collection day!

On Wednesday night (30 June) I stayed up until 10 PM to do the trigger shot and then it was all systems go.  The time went quite quickly as I was at work on Thursday and we were out of the house on Friday morning by 7 AM.  Ant's stepmum came over at 6:45 to look after Oscar and take him to nursery and we were hopeful that we would be back to pick him up at 1 as my egg collection was set for 10 AM.

We had a steady drive to Sheffield, parked up and then headed off to Jessop Wing.  We arrived about 8:20 and were taken through pretty much straight away by a lovely young nurse called Alex.  She went through the plan with me, popped a cannula in and then sent Ant off to do his sample.  Somewhere along the way an Embryologist came to discuss things with us too.  I sat and read for a while until Ant returned and then we just chilled out until 9:30 when Alex came back to give me some IV paracetamol.  It took about 15 minutes to go through so when she came back to turn it off she said they would be coming to collect me in another 15 minutes.  Just after this the Consultant came in to introduce himself and explain the procedure, assuring me it would only take 10-15 minutes.  I started to get a bit nervous but got myself ready, nipped for a wee and waited.  However, there was a bit of a delay and they didn't actually come for me until almost 10:20!

Once in theatre there was me, Alex, another nurse called Emma and the Consultant.  They got 50 mg of fentanyl in straight away to relax me, along with some ondansetron to prevent nausea/sickness and got me started on some gas and air.  I felt completely fine so I wasn't convinced the fentanyl was doing anything but I barely felt the local anaesthetic going in at all.  He got started quite quickly and I ditched the gas and air and just watched what was happening on the screen.  We talked about Oscar and McDonald's and general stuff and I really didn't feel any discomfort until he was almost done with the first ovary and then fentanyl started to wear off.  I used the gas and air and they topped me up with another 25 mg of fentanyl before proceeding to the second ovary.  This one was a bit more uncomfortable and towards the end a couple of the eggs being collected was really quite painful and I was relying heavily on the gas and air.  So that I wasn't too uncomfortable afterwards they popped in another 25 mg of fentanyl and then it was all over!  I couldn't believe how well I felt and that I didn't feel woozy or anything.  Emma and the Consultant were both really good at noticing when I was starting to get more pain and adjusting the medication/procedure accordingly.

They wheeled me back through to the room around 10:40 and I immediately sat up and had a drink and was delighted to tell Ant that they had got SIXTEEN eggs, even more than last time!  They popped a heat pad on for me, got Ant a coffee and checked I was okay then left us to it.  They said that once I felt up to it I could start moving around.  Tracy, our usual IVF nurse, popped in to see me and we discussed how different the process was to Guy's Hospital (and how much better).  She was really pleased with the amount of eggs and it was lovely of her to take some time out to check in with me.  We spent the next hour chatting and eating snacks and I gradually got myself dressed, had a wee and packed my bag ready to get home.  Around 11:45 they did all my final checks, removed the cannula and sent us on our way with some information about OHSS because I'd had so many eggs.

We got back just in time to pick Oscar up at 1:15 (okay, so a little late but nursery were aware and happy to keep hold of him).  He wasn't thrilled about me being somewhat incapacitated but I wasn't in too much pain so I just chilled on the sofa with him.  My friend, Amy, came over for the evening while Ant was at work.  She brought McDonald's, entertained Oscar and even helped me put him to bed.

So that was it - egg collection complete!  It was so much less dreadful than I was expecting and I was definitely proud of myself for how well I handled it.  Then it was just a case of nervously waiting for updates on our eggs.

Almost There!

 As planned, I had my scan on Monday (day 10 of stims) at 8 AM.  Parking at Jessops can be hard work so I left the house at 6 to get there for just after 7 and then chilled out in the car reading my book and eating my breakfast.  I was the first one in for a scan and was taken in shortly after 8 AM.  I think I counted 10 follices (4 on one side, 6 on the other) though I can't be sure and I didn't ask.  However, they were all measuring around 14 mm which meant they weren't quite ready yet and I needed a couple more days on the medication.  I ended up hanging around the pharmacy for over half an hour but managed to make it to work by 10 AM which isn't too bad, all things considered.  They also seemed to think the bright spot on my uterus was less bright so hopefully not a polyp and just a slightly thicker bit of lining.

My next scan is tomorrow morning (day 12 of stims) at 8 AM but I don't work Wednesdays so it's a lot more relaxed.  Hopefully they will say I'm ready and then egg collection will go ahead on Friday.  They did suggest egg collection may be Saturday but I'm hoping for Friday as it is much easier for childcare.  Because of the drugs they're planning to give me, I'm likely to need help for the first 24 hours or so which means Friday evening and Saturday morning I'll need assistance while Ant is at work, although if the procedure happens on Saturday morning Ant will be around to help me out all weekend.  However, we essentially have no childcare as Ant's parents are working nights on Friday/Saturday and our friends, who had offered to help out, are away this weekend for his 30th birthday and their own IVF scan on Monday.  At least if the procedure happens on Friday, Oscar will be at nursery in the morning and we can just muddle through - if needs be Ant can cancel clients or I will just have to survive on my own.  I do have a couple of other friends I could maybe call on to help me out with Oscar whereas I don't really have anyone else who could look after Oscar without me there, certainly nobody that he knows well enough.  My dad is my backup but I'm hoping it won't come to that as it's a long drive for him!

I'll try and update again tomorrow when I know what is happening!

Stim Cycle #2

Our second IVF cycle is officially underway but we've had such a busy few days that I haven't had time to write about it.

On Saturday we went to Sheffield for our appointment to get things started.  We dropped Oscar off with Ant's dad and stepmum around 8 and headed off for our 9:30 appointment.  We paid, signed the consent forms and both had our bloods done then we had almost an hour wait before my scan.  It showed 7-8 follicles on one side and 5-6 on the other, which is around the same as last time and is a good number.  However, there was a bright spot on my endometrium which could potentially be a polyp.  It won't affect the egg collection part of the cycle but, if it is a polyp and is still there by the time I've had the egg collection, then it will have to be removed before we can go ahead with a transfer.  Only time will tell so I'm not worrying about it for now.  

Our appointment ran over the expected time so we only just made it back in time for Ant to go and have his second COVID vaccine (while I did my first Gonal-F injection in the car park, at a slightly increased dose of 175 iu this time) then we headed to pick Oscar up.  Technically I'm meant to be isolating but it was our nephew's 4th birthday party and we haven't seen that side of the family in almost 18 months so we decided, because it was outdoors, we would go and just keep our distance.  Oscar had a whale of a time and really enjoyed spending time with his cousin on the bouncy castle so we didn't leave until gone 19:30.  Needless to say Ant and I were both exhausted, especially from the social aspect, so we just had an early night. 

Sunday was Father's Day and we had bits and bobs to get done - I wanted to sneak in a last gym session before having to take it easy, we popped to drop presents off with Ant's dad (and the Hales' were there again so we stayed a little while) then had pizza for dinner which was yummy!

Yesterday I was at work all day and then shattered so went to bed for about 8 which brings us to today.  I've now done 4 injections and tomorrow I'll add in the Cetrotide too - this time they are all done together in a morning so no faffing about trying to get them 12 hours apart etc.  In terms of how I'm feeling I'm pretty tired and have been a bit crampy, but that could be the period itself.  The tiredness is no doubt in part due to a very busy weekend which involved a lot more socialising than we've done in the last 18 months or so but I do feel generally fatigued which could well be down to the medication.  My sciatica has also been playing up a bit for the last 48 hours however it seems a little better at the moment.

I have my monitoring scan on Monday which will be day 9 of the medication so we will see where we are at by then - I'm hoping to be good to go as that would mean egg collection on Wednesday which is a day I'm already off work anyway, but things never work out the convenient way so I won't hold my breath!

IVF Round 2!

There is a LOT going on in our world right now but this is the most exciting/pressing matter so it's where I'm going to start!

On Saturday we are due to start our second full round of IVF so I'll go back and cover where we've been at recently.

We had a multidisciplinary meeting via video call with the genetics team, IVF Consultant and Tracy (our amazing nurse) to discuss the process and go through the differences between using their sole clinic rather than using them as a satellite clinic and travelling to London.  I'd already had blood tests and a scan done so they essentially just made the referrals to the company that run the genetic tests and then we had to go through a counselling appointment with them.  They already had all our DNA stored from the last time so they used that to create our probe and we were essentially just waiting to hear what happened next.  In the meantime, Ant had his semen analysis checked and all was fine there. 

A few weeks ago we received a call from Tracy to say that the genetic side of things was all complete and that we could start as soon as we were ready effectively.  She arranged an appointment to go through things with us, again via video call, on 3 June.  In the couple of weeks before that weekend we got our finances in order and we are in a position to go ahead!  We are borrowing a small amount from grandparents as we won't have to pay interest to pay that back and we have also received a small grant from a wonderful charity.  The rest we have managed to save ourselves! 

At the appointment on 3 June we went through the consent forms, sorted the starting dates and prospective dates for the procedure and Tracy also dropped a bit of a bombshell on me in that they don't use sedation for the egg collection - NOT thrilled about that bit, or the Fentanyl that they use instead!

However, we are set to go to the clinic on Saturday 19 June at 9:30 AM to get the ball rolling.  I'll take my last pill tomorrow (Mon 14 Jun) and hopefully be on a period by Saturday.  Whilst there I'll have a scan and blood tests then we will have to sign our consent forms and collect the prescription for my medication.  Hopefully we will find out relatively quickly that I'm good to start and I'll have to do my first injection straight away.  From there it is all very much the same as last time - the medication is the same but they're using a higher dose as I was pretty slow to respond last time so hopefully I might be on the stims a little less than 17 odd days this time!  I'm so keen to get started but we know it is still a long road from here, especially as I have to isolate around the procedures and we have a wedding to go to in August so we can't start our transfer cycle until after that.  It's much harder to work around things when you have to isolate for 5-6 weeks as you can't just take meds with you and crack on with it, avoiding any procedures.  You have to totally wait until the event is over before you can start.

However, we have an appointment booked on 26 July to discuss our embryo results (a luxury we weren't offered last time) and plan our next steps so at least we can get an idea of what is going to happen and when.

Watch this space!