Happy Mother's Day!

Today I have celebrated my very first Mother's Day as an actual mother and I couldn't be more grateful.

However, it has been one hell of a challenging day. Due to a mix up with OJ's prescription and the GP surgery being shut over the weekend we are having to make his medication last longer than it should so he's just having a dose before bed instead of 3 doses a day. I'm not sure if it's coincidence or not but he's been really unsettled all day today.

He's been drooling constantly, had a lot of hiccups and wind, we've had no less than 8 poo explosions, he's been a lot more sick than normal and he's wanted to feed almost constantly. It sounds a bit like teething but I can't see any sign of sore gums. We were at a friend's house this evening and he was starting to get really fussy so we decided to head home (a 30 minute drive).

Almost as soon as we got him in the car he started screaming in what sounded like pain so we stopped in a nearby pub car park and I tried to feed him - for the first time ever he refused the boob. I've never seen him so distressed that a boob can't fix it! He isn't a fan of the car at the best of times so we knew we needed to calm him down. We bundled him up in blankets and walked around the car park with him holding him on his front, which normally helps with his reflux and wind, but he still seemed to be uncomfortable, whimpering rather than screaming.

We decided to pop him in his pram to see if a walk might send him to sleep and headed towards the nearest Tesco to see if we could get some Calpol - my logic was that, even if it was reflux making him uncomfortable, the Calpol might help with the pain. He screamed blue murder as soon as we put him down in the pram so ALS carried (holding him on his front) him the whole way and by the time we got there he had calmed down enough for ALS to turn him over onto his back and give him the Calpol. We finally got a little smile out of him so ALS kept him lay that way and carried him back to the car. Just before we got back he fell asleep and with the help of some white noise, very careful movement and ALS' finger being used as a pacified we managed to get him back in the car and he slept the rest of the way home. He woke up in a slightly better mood and after a nice relaxing bath and a hearty feed he's snuggled up asleep on my chest.

Parenting is tough, especially when you don't really know what's wrong or what to do but we stayed calm, worked as a team and figured out a plan. I'm incredibly proud of how we handled things tonight and, although it hasn't been the smoothest sailing, I've loved my first Mother's Day as a mummy.

Here's to all the wonderful mums out there and a special thought to those who are still waiting for their miracle!

International Women's Day

This might make me a little unpopular but I'm going to go ahead and post it anyway!

As you probably know, yesterday was International Women's Day and I saw a LOT of posts about it on social media. I'm all for celebrating incredible women and don't take issue with the day itself, as such. However, I do take issue with the content of a lot of the posts I saw.

My first issue is that a lot of the posts "celebrating" women were patronising and almost negative in nature. It's hardly celebrating an achievement if you end your compliment with "for a woman". For example, a woman who created a lifesaving drug didn't do something incredible "for a woman", she merely did something incredible. Don't diminish women's achievements by making it sound like it's something that's only ahh achievement because they're female and any man could have done it - firstly, that's rarely true and secondly, it's turning a positive into a negative. We have a saying in powerlifting that is "Not strong for a woman, just strong" and I adore that sentiment.

My other issue with the content of posts is that they often mention all the incredible things that women now have the opportunity to do but don't take into consideration that what we've fought for is choice. It's incredible that nowadays women can be brain surgeons, lawyers, CEOs, firefighters and whatever else BUT I dislike the implications that if you don't do something amazing you're setting women's rights back. I love the fact that I have a choice, that I have a right to vote and that I am entitled to an education. However, all I've ever wanted in life is to be a mum and, as I'm relatively academically inclined, I get told that I'm wasting my life and by being perfectly happy to be a housewife I am undoing the hard work of those who fought for our rights. The world may be my oyster but, quite frankly, I don't like oysters.

So, when International Women's Day rolls around again, use it to celebrate the incredible achievements of women without patronising them, use it to campaign for rights of women in countries where they are still second class citizens and use it to tell the women in your life how much you appreciate them, whether they spent their day finding a cure for cancer or simply changing nappies and raising the kids.

Baby Update - 18 weeks old

Age:  18 weeks

Weight: He isn't due to be weighed again for another 3 weeks but he seems to be putting weight on quite quickly lately and is starting to look rather chunky, which is great news after his slow start.

Feeding: Feeding is a bit better again now he's back on the ranitidine.  We've not tried him with a bottle again recently but yesterday we tried him with a free-flow sippy cup for the first time and he took it off me and started feeding himself!  Due to the free-flow nature of the cup he did spill quite a lot and choked a little so it wouldn't be suitable for a full feed.  However, today I've tried him with a MAM trainer cup which is halfway between a bottle and a sippy cup and he happily took that (at a time when he wasn't particularly hungry).  We are going to try a bottle again at the weekend in the hope that his refusal was just a phase but it maybe that these things only work when he's not actually hungry.  As he's not napping well in the day he's been quite grumpy and therefore wanting the boob a LOT.

Sleep: He's still not sleeping for more than about 20 minutes at a time during the day except the occasional longer nap if he's been out in the pram or the odd long one if I let him sleep on me (usualy late in the evening after he's been fighting it all day).  At night he's feeding 3 or 4 times and we had our first 05:30 get up the other morning.  I shouldn't complain as it's the first time in 4 months that I've had to get out of bed for 07:00 so we've done very well.  He will sometimes settle in his cot just with my hand on him instead of actually sleeping on me so that's at least a start - he loves holding onto something so I let him fall asleep holding a teddy sometimes but in the middle of the night I can't do that unless I'm willing to stay awake until he falls asleep so I can take it off him again.

Routine: The regular bedtime routine really didn't help - we tried it for a week getting him bathed, fed and in bed for around 20:30 and then lifting him around 23:00 for a dreamfeed before we went to sleep.  He still woke up to feed at around 01:00 or 02:00 and then again at 04:00 and 06:00, then wouldn't settle again for a while.  The last couple of nights we've put him down at 21:30, being a little more led by him, and he's slept through to around 01:00 then 04:00 then 07:00 (give or take) so apparently lifting him for a dreamfeed didn't help at all.  Quite honestly I'm finding it easier to be just led by him as putting him down at 20:30 left me trapped in the bedroom all evening and I found I was getting nothing done and he wasn't sleeping any better.

Likes/dislikes:  He seems to really enjoy sitting in his highchair, which we've started doing whilst we eat, as he can see us and we pop a couple of toys on the tray to entertain him.  He loves holding on to his feet and putting absolutely anything he can find into his mouth.  He's still not a giant fan of the car but is getting slightly more distractable - we've bought a new 0-12 years carseat where he'll be a bit more upright so once we've figured that out hopefully he'll be better off.

Firsts:  He's had his first drink from a sippy cup which he took to like an absolute champ.  He's also starting sitting in his highchair for the first time this week - I'm trying to get him used to it ready for when we start weaning.  He also managed to close his eyes when we gave him the signal for a submersion at swimming which is a massive accomplishment.  It was pyjama week at swimming and we had lots of giggles in the pool which was lovely as he usually just chills out and takes it all in.  He had an allergic reaction to something twice yesterday, although we aren't sure what - we thought it may have been doughnuts as he came up in a rash on his face when ALS had a doughnut and then kissed him and the same happened later on when I had one - but we've both had doughnuts and been around him today with no reaction so we aren't sure.

Milestones: He's now 4 months old and handling a sippy cup quite well.

Things we did: We spent a lot of time working around the house this week managed to get it in some semblence of order for the first time since OJ was born.  We had some friends over for a movie on Sunday (which was torture as everyone had pizza and then ordered from my favourite dessert place - damn dairy-free).  Today we went out for dinner with my mum and grandparents too.

Me: I'm feeling quite up and down at the moment - I'm finding it hard to find things to do to keep OJ entertained all day so I feel guilty and I'm getting a little bit bored with not being able to go far (as I don't have transport).  However, I'm loving being a mummy and every time I look at him my heart just explodes with love!  He's definitely getting more challenging as he won't sleep much during the day and gets bored easily, which means I have less time to do housework and exercise etc. but I wouldn't change it for the world.

17 weeks 1 day - Parenting hack: give your baby a muslin to chew on so they wipe up their own drool/vomit as it comes out!

17 weeks 1 day (4 months) - monthly growth picture and he's grown so much since the last one, he's really filling out.

17 weeks 2 days - snuggles after a major morning meltdown (he's so sensitive in a morning) because mummy laughed a little bit loudly and made him jump.

17 weeks 3 days - big smiles for a big boy, the first time in his new highchair.

17 weeks 3 days - every time we put him in the highchair he spends a good 15 minutes contentedly gnawing on the straps!

17 weeks 4 days - baby and kitty sleeping on mummy's lap.

17 weeks 5 days - he started whining so I rolled over but he stuck his thumb in and went back to sleep, such a gorgeous little face!

17 weeks 5 days - he fell asleep playing with his monkey toy!

17 weeks 6 days - 7:00 am nap after a 5:30 am start feat. sleepy smiles.

18 weeks - snuggling his bunny ready to get in the car!

Baby Update - 17 weeks old

Age:  17 weeks

Weight: He was weighed 2 days ago and is now 12 lb 7 oz which means he's still between 2nd and 9th centiles but he's gained almost a pound and a half in a month so the GP was perfectly happy.

Feeding: He's back to feeding a normal amount (for him) again now and going up to 4 hours at night.  The GP asked us to stop his ranitidine for a few days to see if it's actually helping or not.  He's still being quite sick and he's been choking quite a lot over the last 4 days with his feeds, which I think is a result of being off the medication.  Just another day to go and then we can get him back on it.  He has all the symptoms of a cow's milk allergy - extremely explosive nappies (he's ruined so many vests because no brand/size nappy can contain them), reflux, wind, eczema and random rashes but yet he doesn't seem to be improving on my dairy-free diet so who knows.

Sleep: He's been pretty uncomfortable at night since he's been off the medication but he's not been too bad.  He's got to a point where he really fights sleep during the day and it can be a nightmare to get him down for a nap - he is currently sleeping however.  Fortunately I managed to put him down instead of sleeping on me because I'd just put the oven on to make some dinner, my phone was dying and the TV remote was out of reach!

Routine: I started trying to get him into a bedtime routine last night.  I really like ALS being able to spend some time with him when he gets home from work but he seems to be quite unsettled and struggling with sleep in the day so I'm hoping getting him asleep at the same time will help (and then we can work on teaching him to fall asleep without feeding/cuddles).  I take him upstairs for a bath, story, feed and then put him down with a lullaby and his teddy and he did fall asleep by himself.  However, one of the cats made a racket and woke him up so he ended up falling asleep on me again!  We're going to try again tonight, I'm hoping that even just having a regular bedtime will help a little but it's going to be hard work getting him to sleep through until his reflux is better controlled.

Likes/dislikes:  He loves putting absolutely everything in his mouth - especially people's hands!  He's starting to enjoy tummy time more now he can hold himself up well and is super proud of himself every time he rolls over.  He's really not a fan of being ignored and if I stop paying attention to him for a couple of minutes he'll really let me know about it!

Firsts:  He's found his feet this week and loves playing with them at any opportunity (which makes nappy changes difficult).  I gave him a bath by myself last night using his bath seat which is a lot easier for me but he doesn't get quite the same enjoyment out of it as he's not submerged in the water so he can't splash about as much.  

Milestones: He's completely nailed rolling front to back and is doing it on a regular basis now!

Things we did: We have been out and about quite a bit this week, just doing general bits and bobs.  We went to watch another powerlifting competition on Sunday and he was really well behaved again.  He had his 4 month jabs last Friday and dealt with them quite well this time around - he had no side effects at all, not even sleepiness.  This morning we went on a super adventure in very deep snow to get some food shopping as we'd run out of pretty much everything dairy-free, he slept most of the time whilst ALS and I got very wet and very tired.

Me: I had a proper gym session by myself on Sunday whilst ALS had OJ in the cafe and it was brilliant.  I'm dropping weight by the week and I'm now 55 kg, I'm even starting to see some abs come in!  I don't feel weak for it so I'm sure I'm eating enough but being dairy-free means I'm not binging on junk food like I used to.  I've only got to do another 2 weeks dairy-free unless we see a major improvement so I'm sure the weight will pile back on then and I'm expecting to put some muscle on now I'm back at the gym too.  I'm having quite sore joints from sitting/sleeping in awkward positions when feeding, holding OJ etc. so I'm trying to be a bit more careful about things like sitting with my knees tucked up.

16 weeks 1 day - watching mummy eat and gnawing on his rattle.

16 weeks 1 day - the many faces of OJ, wanting to play with my hand then trying to eat me!

16 weeks 2 days - fast asleep on mummy's lap.

16 weeks 3 days - he's been wearing this outfit for weeks and I've only just remembered it came with a hat!!

16 weeks 3 days - multitasking with a very tired baby after the powerlifting competition.

16 weeks 4 days - favourite rattle, it's brilliant and it actually came free with my breastfeeding cushion.

16 weeks 4 days - I got him up from his nap because he'd woken up and was babbling away but 2 minutes later he was flat out again.

16 weeks 6 days - grabbing his feet... I distracted him somewhat because I forgot the flash was on.

16 weeks 6 days - sleeping in his Moses basket, I actually put him down for a nap at the right time and he went sraight to sleep by himself.

This time last year...

Last week marked a whole year since I received the amazing news that I was pregnant and here I am sat here with a 16 week old baby.  The last year has absolutely flown by and that day seems like a lifetime ago.  It's been a challenging year with pregnancy, my mother's mental health, lots of car troubles, ALS' workplace being set on fire and finally parenting but I feel like I've grown a lot as a person and every single minute has been worth it because we are finally a family of 3. 

Here is just a short outline of what we went through to get to that positive test:

2 years
10 TV scans
12 blood tests (plus a few botched attempts)
80+ injections
Countless oestrogen tablets and progesterone pessaries
1 egg collection
2 embryo transfers
3000+ miles travelled

There's a lot of numbers up there but it all comes down to ONE beautiful little boy. Exactly one year ago today I left work and

It sounds like a lot and it was emotionally and physically draining but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  We were incredibly lucky that I fell pregnant on our second transfer as, for some people, it can take so much longer.  Our journey may have been short but it was a challenge nonetheless and one that we will hopefully undertake again in the coming years - watch this space!

Baby Update - 16 weeks old

Age:  16 weeks

Weight: He's not due to be weighed again until Tuesday.

Feeding: He seems to have been having a growth spurt as he fed constantly over the weekend then calmed down again - he did refuse a bottle again on Sunday night though.  In the last couple of days he's had a bit of a blocked nose so he's been having lots of short feeds because he's been finding it hard to breathe through his nose and getting frustrated.  He has his vaccinations tomorrow too so we'll try him with a bottle again in a week or so when everything has settled down.  In terms of the reflux we had 3 days with virtually no vomiting after a week dairy-free but then the last 2 days he's been a bit more sick again in a morning but that might be because he's so congested so we'll see how he goes.

 Sleep: Between the growth spurt and the stuffy nose his sleep hasn't been great for the last week.  He's been feeding every couple of hours overnight but he has slept relatively well in between, at least until about 5 am.  He's been having slightly more regular daytime naps but they're still a work in progress - today we've actually managed 2 naps without me holding him the whole time so I'm counting that as a win.  He woke up whilst I was writing this but just chilled out in the basket playing with his bunny - I love that bunny! 

Routine: Things are starting to fall into place and I'm gradually trying to get OJ into bed earlier at night - so far we've managed to get him down by about 9:45 pm for the last few nights which is much better than when we were going to bed at 11 pm.  At the moment I'm going to bed at the same time to try and catch up on some sleep and because I'm not comfortable leaving him upstairs alone yet.  In terms of the daytime we just take each day as it comes but it's mostly feed then play with a nap after every other feed.

Likes/dislikes:  He has really taken to a soft bunny rattle that my dad and stepmum bought for him, mostly because the arms and legs are really easy for him to grab onto and fiddle with - it seems to have helped to distract him a little in the car too.  He loves being bounced around and thrown up in the air (without letting go, of course).  He's still not fond of the car but we are working on it.  We took him swimming on our own for the first time this week and he was completely indifferent - he wasn't grumpy but it's also hard to get a smile out of him in the pool because he's so busy just taking everything in.

Firsts:  He has had his first illness, although it has fortunately just been a blocked nose rather than a full blown cold.  As I mentioned above we took him swimming without instructor supervision for the first time.  He's really got the hang of putting toys to his mouth this week and he's been rolling over onto his side to get to toys on his playmat (he's always rolled onto his side in his sleep but he's not done it during the day since he was very little).  He's also started to take an interest in the cats and also started turning towards sounds, especially voices. 

Milestones: Nothing in particular this week.

Things we did: We've done quite a lot of organising around the house this week but we've been out for a couple of walks and on Saturday we went and visited 4 lots of friends/family - poor OJ was shattered by the end of the day!  I also let OJ snuggle and watch a film in bed with me (Chicken Run) yesterday evening because it was the only thing that would settle him - I try to avoid screen time for him but occasionally it's a great treat and it mesmerises him.   

Me: I'm still struggling with dizziness but just haven't had the time to get in with the GP yet - fortunately it's only when I'm lying down so it's not impeding my ability to care for OJ.  I've been managing to exercise well this week and it's really helping with my fatigue.  Being dairy-free is also making me think more carefully about my diet (and means I can't binge on chocolate so often) so the fat is starting to fall off - I'm 55.9 kg today which is the lightest I've been in years (minus the morning sickness period).

15 weeks 1 day - it's still a bit too big but I couldn't wait to put him in his little Harry Potter vest... the bonus to him having thrown up on his jumper was that I got to show it off!

15 weeks 1 day - whilst the baby is sleeping, mummy plays with Snapchat filters.

15 weeks 3 days - showing off his gorgeous new blanket that one of our friends handmade for him.

15 weeks 3 days - I find it adorable that he often falls asleep after a feed holding my boob.

15 weeks 4 days - the aforementioned bunny!

15 weeks 4 days (vs. 4 days) - he finally fits in his 0-3 month snowsuit, it's photos like this that really show me how much he's grown!

15 weeks 5 days - he's found his feet!

15 weeks 5 days - trying to eat daddy's hand, he'll try and eat anything he can get his mouth on!

15 weeks 5 days - watching mummy exercise and looking particularly sassy.

15 weeks 6 days - poorly boy watching Chicken Run with mummy... he fell asleep 15 minutes in thankfully.

16 weeks - snuggling with mummy and sucking his thumb, isn't he just the cutest?

Baby Update - 15 weeks old

Age:  15 weeks

Weight: He's not due to be weighed again until the end of the month - by our scales he's 4.8 kg which is a loss but I'm taking it with a pinch of salt because our scales are notoriously inaccurate and he was wriggling!

Feeding: He's been feeding constantly for 2 days which is tiring but it keeps him happy.  Today I left him with ALS for a few hours whilst I took my sister-in-law to the hospital for her son's appointment and poor little OJ outright refused his bottle (breast milk) after a couple of sips and screamed blue murder for a good 15 minutes just settling down before I got home.  He's never refused a bottle before - it's been less than a week since he had one - so we're hoping it was a one off and there was something wrong with the milk that put him off.  We will definitely be trying him with one again before we leave him though to save any distress.  There's still been a lot of vomiting, explosive poos and a flare up of his eczema so I've made the executive decision to go dairy free - we're only 3 days in so no obvious improvement yet but it's worth a try!
 Sleep: Last night I was the proud winner of a whole 4 hours sleep thanks to an early morning and lots of night feeds... OJ has slept most of the day between feeds but I've not been so fortunate.  A couple of times this week I've tried to have early nights but he's been impossible to settle before about 11 as the evening is his most awake time.  He still seems quite uncomfortable and has a lot of trouble with wind in a morning leading to a lot of fidgeting so I usually bring him into our bed at around 7am when ALS goes to work so I can catnap for a couple more hours.

Routine: I'm trying to let OJ lead the routine, but also just getting on with what I need to do and making him fit in.  I do think we ought to get a bedtime routine in place but as we should be in the room with him when he sleeps it's hard unless we go to bed early too, plus ALS wouldn't get to spend much time with him.  We'll work on it once the reflux has calmed down and he's more comfortable.

Likes/dislikes:  He is starting to put weight on his legs and loves standing - if you try and pull him to sit he just pushes his legs down and ends up standing.  He really enjoys nursery rhymes and watching us doing the signs for common words, always rewarding us with a big smile.  He doesn't seem to like the fact that we don't understand his babble and shouts at us if we don't respond quickly enough!

Firsts:  He rolled from front to back for the first time at 14+3 weeks - although it may have been a fluke - and he's getting loads better at pushing himself up during tummy time.  He has started enjoying looking in a mirror too.  ALS got his first proper laugh from him this morning too!  He's really found his thumb this week and tends to suck it rather than just shoving his whole hand in his mouth - so we may not have too much trouble removing the dummy.

Milestones: Rolling over - even if it was only once!

Things we did: ALS and I cooked together at the weekend to celebrate our anniversary (again) and had a couple of drinks - we tried to have an "early night" for the first time since OJ was born but he clearly knew what we were up to and was having none of it!  We've done the usual swimming, shopping etc. and today we went out for lunch with my sister-in-law and her little one. 

Me: I'm incredibly sleep deprived but I had my first proper powerlifting session at the gym this week - ALS is doing a case study as part of a qualification so I'm being his guinea pig.  I really enjoyed it and although I've lost a lot of strength I feel like it will come back quite quickly.  Since last night I've been getting incredibly dizzy when I lie down, turn over in bed or tip my head back which is making it hard to attend to OJ at night. I'm hoping it goes away but I've had it before for weeks at a time and it's always been diagnosed as labyrinthitis before but I think it's more benign positional vertigo... I'll get in with the GP on Monday if it's no better.

14 weeks 1 day- we've had a LOT of these lately, they're so watery that there is no containing them!

14 weeks 1 day - eating his toy cow (probably not going to be a vegetarian like daddy).

14 weeks 3 days - he toppled forwards then proceeded to try and eat me, he's such a little cannibal that we've nicknamed him "Piranha Baby"!

14 weeks 4 days - yet another change of clothes after another vomit!

15 weeks - snuggling and watching Pointless with mummy (I know TV is bad but I refuse to sit in silence all day so it stays on sometimes, but I keep it off when we're playing and such).

12 weeks 2 days - we got our photos back from the professional photoshoot this week and they are amazing, this is my favourite!  Credit goes to Kevin at Natural Light Photography.

Just a little fitness advice for my friends out there - don't obsess over the scales.  The left photos were after a weight cut for my honeymoon and the right were a couple of weeks ago.  I weigh the same (give or take 300 g) in both but my waist is over 5 inches bigger in the right hand photos and I'm carrying a lot more fat.  Numbers aren't always the be all and end all!