Anything is Better than Nothing!

At 5:30 this evening I received a phone call from the Consultant, rather unexpectedly.  Given that it was past 5 PM on a Friday I had just assumed that we wouldn't hear anything now until next week.  I was in the midst of packing a suitcase with Oscar as we are going to stay with my dad for the weekend and it caught me rather off guard.  The conversation started on quite an amusing note, the Consultant asked to speak to me, let me know he had our results and then it went like this:

Oscar:  Is that my daddy?

Consultant:  I hope not!

Me:  Not unless something went very wrong in the lab the first time.

Consultant:  I think I'd be struck off for that.

That's about where the amusing stuff stopped.  As it turns out we have one embryo to use, just one.  Three were at risk of HD - which is kind of annoying because they could be perfectly fine but because we are doing exclusion testing there is no way to know.  The fourth embryo was a high level mosaic which means it most likely wouldn't result in a pregnancy and, if it did, would likely result in miscarriage or stillbirth.  So that leaves little embryo number five.  I was so flustered that I didn't even think to ask him about the quality.  He suggested that we now speak to our nurse to arrange the transfer cycle so I will go over all the details with her.  It was quite hard to concentrate because obviously Oscar was chattering away at me.

I immediately messaged a couple of friends because Ant was at work and I wanted to speak to him about it in person but also really needed to discuss it straight away.

Generally, I'm doing okay.  Obviously I'm really disappointed and I'm already anxious about being anxious and ruining the cycle because there's so much pressure on this one, being our only chance and all.  However, I'm going to use the next month to get myself healthy and in good shape (hopefully) and then we are hoping to start the medication for the transfer straight after the August bank holiday weekend - we are at a wedding that weekend.  That way, if we need to isolate, we have nothing planned after August and also we have a holiday planned in November so if the transfer doesn't work we have something to look forward to at least.

I've emailed the nurse this evening to update her but she's on annual leave until Wednesday so I don't expect to hear anything until the back end of next week and then we can get planning.  In the meantime, I've already written myself an exercise plan (which I would have started this week if I'd not been ill) and will get my meal plans sorted!

Embryo Growth & Testing

 So, I’m doing an abysmal job of keeping this updated but I’m finding myself just absolutely swamped with a never-ending to-do list at the moment and then have been written off with a rotten cold and cough for a bit too!  I spend half my time wondering how I will ever cope with another human being to take care of and the other half thinking it will be okay because at least I’ll be on maternity leave and Oscar will be at school by then!

 

We got a phone-call the day after egg collection to tell us that, of our 16 eggs, 12 eggs were good quality and we had 9 that had fertilised.  By the Monday we had about 6 that were looking good and on the Wednesday they managed to biopsy and freeze 5 which is exactly the same as last time and hopefully gives us a good chance of having a successful pregnancy.  This time we are doing PGS testing as well as PGD which means we might end up with less embryos overall but hopefully any we do get will be more likely to be successful.  Last time we got 3 out of the 5 which is about par for the course as the PGD test is a 50/50 chance so we would be expecting maybe 2 or 3 this time but with the PGS I am conscious that it could be lower.

 

I’d established that I would be accepting of 2 and happy with 3.  Anything more and I would be absolutely ecstatic but if we only got 1 I would be definitely petrified because it gives us just the one chance.  However sometimes it only takes one and anything is better than nothing.  I can’t even bring myself to consider the possibility of not getting any!  I have however suggested to Ant that, however many we get, we need a pregnancy with the last one.  For example; if we got two embryos and the first didn’t work but the second did then we get our sibling and everyone is happy.  However, if the first one works and we have two children, we then have to decide whether to use the third (which I reckon we would).  In doing so, we set ourselves up to accept a three-child household so, even if we would never initially have had three children, it becomes something you want and then end up losing if it doesn’t work.  It’s really hard to put into words but I know what I mean.

 

We were due to have an appointment with the Consultant to discuss the results on 26 July however we had to cancel this as we still didn’t have the results back.  We were told they could take up to three weeks and it was only 19 days post-biopsy so we knew there was a chance of them not returning in time.  However, last time they only took ten days!  Currently it is 29 July, so 3 weeks and 1 day post-biopsy and still nothing.  I’m generally not stressing about it, or even really thinking about it, however every time my phone rings I get so nervous so I’ll be glad when we are taken out of limbo.  Our nurse is brilliant and I know she will let me know as soon as she has the results.  The Consultant can’t fit us in for an appointment now until September but he is going to arrange an ad-hoc phone consultation once the results are back so we don’t have to delay unnecessarily.

 

I’ve spent SO long agonising over the timing of it all but now I think I just need to take it as it comes and go for it whenever we can rather than thinking too much about it and trying to plan too hard.  Ideally we would avoid a due date around when Oscar starts school as both starting school and having a sibling are massive life events that he might struggle with so we would rather not do both at the same time.  It would be nice if we could have a baby before that point so that I’m on maternity leave when he starts school but I was initially cautious about not wanting a summer baby because they would be so young starting school.  However, I guess it would save on childcare costs!  So, as it stands, we will just go for it whenever we can but aim to avoid an August or September due date to help Oscar out!  I did like the idea of an October due date but I don’t think this would be achievable given the closures of the clinic over Christmas and I’m also a bit impatient and don’t really want to wait that long.  I’m going to have a discussion about it with Tracy and hopefully she can provide some insight as it also very much depends on the isolation rules.

 

First things first, we need to ensure we actually have an embryo to use I suppose!

Egg Collection!

 I've not got round to posting in the last week so I'm going to try and do a few updates in quick succession.  First up, egg collection day!

On Wednesday night (30 June) I stayed up until 10 PM to do the trigger shot and then it was all systems go.  The time went quite quickly as I was at work on Thursday and we were out of the house on Friday morning by 7 AM.  Ant's stepmum came over at 6:45 to look after Oscar and take him to nursery and we were hopeful that we would be back to pick him up at 1 as my egg collection was set for 10 AM.

We had a steady drive to Sheffield, parked up and then headed off to Jessop Wing.  We arrived about 8:20 and were taken through pretty much straight away by a lovely young nurse called Alex.  She went through the plan with me, popped a cannula in and then sent Ant off to do his sample.  Somewhere along the way an Embryologist came to discuss things with us too.  I sat and read for a while until Ant returned and then we just chilled out until 9:30 when Alex came back to give me some IV paracetamol.  It took about 15 minutes to go through so when she came back to turn it off she said they would be coming to collect me in another 15 minutes.  Just after this the Consultant came in to introduce himself and explain the procedure, assuring me it would only take 10-15 minutes.  I started to get a bit nervous but got myself ready, nipped for a wee and waited.  However, there was a bit of a delay and they didn't actually come for me until almost 10:20!

Once in theatre there was me, Alex, another nurse called Emma and the Consultant.  They got 50 mg of fentanyl in straight away to relax me, along with some ondansetron to prevent nausea/sickness and got me started on some gas and air.  I felt completely fine so I wasn't convinced the fentanyl was doing anything but I barely felt the local anaesthetic going in at all.  He got started quite quickly and I ditched the gas and air and just watched what was happening on the screen.  We talked about Oscar and McDonald's and general stuff and I really didn't feel any discomfort until he was almost done with the first ovary and then fentanyl started to wear off.  I used the gas and air and they topped me up with another 25 mg of fentanyl before proceeding to the second ovary.  This one was a bit more uncomfortable and towards the end a couple of the eggs being collected was really quite painful and I was relying heavily on the gas and air.  So that I wasn't too uncomfortable afterwards they popped in another 25 mg of fentanyl and then it was all over!  I couldn't believe how well I felt and that I didn't feel woozy or anything.  Emma and the Consultant were both really good at noticing when I was starting to get more pain and adjusting the medication/procedure accordingly.

They wheeled me back through to the room around 10:40 and I immediately sat up and had a drink and was delighted to tell Ant that they had got SIXTEEN eggs, even more than last time!  They popped a heat pad on for me, got Ant a coffee and checked I was okay then left us to it.  They said that once I felt up to it I could start moving around.  Tracy, our usual IVF nurse, popped in to see me and we discussed how different the process was to Guy's Hospital (and how much better).  She was really pleased with the amount of eggs and it was lovely of her to take some time out to check in with me.  We spent the next hour chatting and eating snacks and I gradually got myself dressed, had a wee and packed my bag ready to get home.  Around 11:45 they did all my final checks, removed the cannula and sent us on our way with some information about OHSS because I'd had so many eggs.

We got back just in time to pick Oscar up at 1:15 (okay, so a little late but nursery were aware and happy to keep hold of him).  He wasn't thrilled about me being somewhat incapacitated but I wasn't in too much pain so I just chilled on the sofa with him.  My friend, Amy, came over for the evening while Ant was at work.  She brought McDonald's, entertained Oscar and even helped me put him to bed.

So that was it - egg collection complete!  It was so much less dreadful than I was expecting and I was definitely proud of myself for how well I handled it.  Then it was just a case of nervously waiting for updates on our eggs.