Birth Story (just a bit late)

Throughout my pregnancy I always felt like Pip would be late and I was absolutely okay with that.  I enjoyed being pregnant and I was happy to wait as long as it took for things to get started.  However, I really didn't want to be induced so as my due date approached I started trying natural methods to get things moving.  My due date was Wednesday 1st November and in the week leading up to it I'd remained active and especially done a lot of bouncing on my birthing ball.  On the Tuesday I went for a good long walk involving a lot of hills and still felt like nothing was going to happen.  I'd had no Braxton Hicks or anything during my pregnancy so I really felt like it was still going to be a while.  On the Tuesday night Ant and I went to bed to "try and get things started" and then went to sleep.  During the night I woke up a couple of times to pee and noticed some minor cramps but I'd been woken up with pains a few times in the preceding week (they turned out to be gas pains) so I thought nothing of it.

On the Wednesday morning Ant got up and got ready to go to work.  I stayed in bed as he starts work at 6 on Wednesdays but at 05:30, just as he was getting his shoes on, I felt a large, warm gush of fluid which was unmistakably my waters.  I leapt out of bed and headed to the bathroom to try and minimise the mess and shouted Ant to tell him not to leave just yet.  We were both pretty excited and I rang the hospital to let them know the situation.  They asked me to go in so they could confirm it was my waters but told me that it was fine to take my time.  I was having regular small gushes of waters leaking so I was 99% sure that it was my waters rather than just pee, especially given the amount.

We rang Ant's dad and stepmum and asked them to come and get us to take us to the hospital.  I was kind of giddy about the fact that things were happening and was giggling when Ant rang them so they thought we were joking - if not for the fact that it was before 06:00 they probably wouldn't have believed we weren't.  We took the opportunity to grab the last few bits for the hospital bags and I tried to have some breakfast, although I only managed a couple of mouthfuls of toast as it was way too early for me to be hungry.  I grabbed a couple of paracetamol just in case labour actually kicked in and then Ant's parents arrived and we headed off to the hospital at around 07:15.

Ant and I went to the Pregnancy Assessment Unit whilst his parents went to get a coffee.  They asked me to do a urine sample then popped me on a bed to assess me - temperature, blood pressure and the like.  They took my history and as they were about to have a shift change the midwife started to do a handover.  I suddenly came over very faint and nauseous and, despite the midwife thrusting a bowl in front of my face, I projectile vomited all over myself, right down my legs and across the bed.  This happened a couple of times over the next hour and the midwife took some blood and asked if she could examine me to check my waters had actually broken.  Upon inspection of my pad she decided she didn't need to examine me as it was very obviously waters but she asked the Registrar on call to come and see me.  It was decided that, as I wasn't in labour, I would be induced the following morning at 08:00 but be kept in hospital until then because of the vomiting/fainting episodes.  However, whilst that decision was being made I had a couple of contractions.  I was surprised how strong they were right from the outset but apparently it's not uncommon for contractions to be more intense once your waters have gone and, as mine went before they started, they came on strong right away.

I was taken up to the ward at 09:20 and put in a private room right at the far end.  Within a couple of minutes I'd heard the midwife outside complaining that she'd got to deal with me, complaining that I'd got to be isolated as I was vomiting and complaining that I shouldn't be there because I wasn't in labour (bear in mind that this was not the labour ward, it was the antenatal/postnatal ward which dealt with a variety of women in various stages of pregnancy and dealt with inductions).  I couldn't help but think that she was being incredibly unprofessional and found it quite annoying as I was actually having contractions every five minutes by this point.  She popped me on the monitor, decided that my contractions were weak and completely irregular and told me to stay active.  I was still being sick regularly and she said if it carried on she would consider giving me something for the sickness and some paracetamol.  At 10:30 I asked Ant to blow up my birthing ball for me, which I used for a grand total of one or two contractions and then decided it wasn't going to work as I had to keep dashing off to be sick and couldn't get in a comfortable position with it.  Having spent most of the morning on the floor bent over the toilet the midwife finally relented and gave me some cyclizine for the sickness at 11:30 along with some paracetamol and a very small dose of Oramorph - neither of which even took the edge off the contractions.

By lunchtime the contractions were coming every 2-2.5 minutes and lasting for 1-1.5 minutes at a time with occasional breaks of 5-6 minutes - typically these breaks occurred when the midwife had come to check on me and every time she felt my stomach during a contraction she maintained that it was mild and I was still not in labour.  In hindsight, I genuinely think my body just shut down every time she entered the room and that's why everything stopped.  From reading one of my Hypnobirthing books it mentioned a fight/flight response when women are scared and I thought it was a load of rubbish until I thought about it very recently.  She repeatedly told me that I was definitely not in labour and that it was going to get much, much worse so I needed to deal with it.  Honestly she made me feel like a complete failure.  I felt like I couldn't cope and there was no way I was going to actually be able to deal with labour if this wasn't even the early stages, especially as the sickness hadn't slowed down much even after the medication.  At 13:00 she insisted I go for a walk but we didn't get very far before I had to return to be sick.  She came back not long after and was very rude about the fact that I was lying on the bed resting in between contractions/vomiting episodes.  I thought ALS was going to throw her out the window - he stayed polite but he was clearly very unhappy.  I was absolutely exhausted by this point.  Because I'd not managed much in the way of breakfast or had much to drink I'd essentially kept nothing in my stomach for over 18 hours and every time I was sick I was just bringing up bile.  It got to the point where I was actually throwing up blood because my body was just bringing up whatever it could find, despite me trying to keep sipping water.

Around 13:30 I managed to get into a good rhythm of rocking whilst leaning on the rail on the door during a contraction, then lying on my side on the bed trying to catnap in between, with the occasional vomiting episode.  We spoke to the midwife a couple of times but mostly she left us alone.  She came in around 15:30 and again reminded me that I wasn't really in labour and nothing was happening which left me feel incredibly disheartened.  Around 16:00 a different midwife popped in and within ten minutes she'd given me the confidence I needed to carry on - she was far more supportive, she showed Ant how to massage my back to take the edge off and she offered to run me a bath.  I got in the bath very briefly but it made me feel too hot and faint, which made the sickness worse, so I got back out.

At around 17:00 I called the midwife back (sadly the original one came) as I was contracting every four minutes and they were lasting over a minute.  She begrudingly agreed to examine me but told me that I probably wouldn't even be 1 cm dilated.  To her (and my) surprise I was actually a good 5-6 cm dilated and it was time to go to the labour ward - thank goodness!

By 17:40 (after a long walk and a tense ride in the life) I was on the labour ward and was introduced to the midwife down there.  I had to do a urine sample and I threw up a few more time - after some Powerade which startled everyone because it made the vomit green.  The Anaesthetist came in to speak to me and I sent her away after politely declining an epidural.  It all gets a bit blurry around here as I tried the gas and air which did help but then I had to lie on my back to be monitored.  Once on my back I realised I couldn't cope and asked the to get the Anaesthetist back so that I could have the epidural.  A few midwives then tried to get a cannula in so that I could be given some fluids alongside the epidural but because I was so dehydrated it was impossible.  About 5 attempts and a lot of collapsed veins later (fuelled by gas and air) they gave up and asked the Anaesthetist to do it, she eventually managed to get one in my wrist but it was only a small one.  She got cracking with the epidural and it was in by around 20:30.  Ironically, because it took almost an hour to get the epidural sorted, by the time it was in I was actually coping a lot better so I probably should have just dealt without it but I was in "transition" right at the time I got down to labour ward so it was all just bad timing.  Ant rang his stepmum and said that she could come in now I was comfortable so she could be there for the birth (you're allowed two birth partners) and she arrived around 21:00, by which time I was comfortable, talking and laughing.  Somewhere during the epidural process the midwives changed shift and I remember apologising to the new midwife that I hadn't even noticed her being introduced - I wish I could remember her name as she was lovely.  Unfortunately I can only remember the name of the nasty midwife!

I was examined again at 21:40 and was 7 cm.  The midwife gave my cervix a good stretch and then suggested I get some rest as she would examine me again in 4 hours.  She also put a catheter in at this point as I was unable to get up and about.  I did keep most of the feeling in my legs with the epidural so I could change position relatively easily but it really masked the pain.

Time passed relatively quickly once I was comfortable and we mostly just chatted with the midwives and tried to get a bit of sleep here and there (but I was way too excited) and having a lot of rib pain.  My contractions started to slow down a lot so I was put on a syntocinon drip to try and speed things up again at around 01:00 and examined again at 01:40 as planned.  On examination I was exactly the same as before, which we expected, and the drip was gradually turned up every 15 minutes or so.  I was due to be examined again at around 06:00 but they decided to examine me at 04:00 as the baby's heart rate was dipping with the contractions.  We were seen by a wonderful Registrar who was just starting his shift and was the most cheerful person I've ever met, he really reassured us and despite the fact that things weren't going to plan I was perfectly calm.  They decided to take a blood sample from the baby's head to check that he (we'd decided he must be a boy as he was causing trouble) wasn't in any distress.  The blood results came back okay and when I was examined again at 05:30 I was 8-9 cm so they decided to leave me until 07:30 as long as the baby's heart rate was okay.  We tried various positions and the midwives kept a close eye on the monitor until then.

At 07:30 I was examined again and was FINALLY fully dilated and the midwives changed over - I got two midwives at this point, one who was just coming back from a long break and getting back into the swing of things.  Eventually I was given the go ahead to start pushing around 08:00.  They usually give you a couple of hours for the baby to move down but they decided to get going straight away given the baby's heart rate dropping with each contraction.  I sat on the edge of the bed to push and I felt like I was doing really well, the midwives were certainly happy with how I was doing and kind of just left me to it.  However, the contractions slowed down to every 10 minutes and even with the drip being constantly turned up they didn't increase.  The baby was also facing upwards which they said would make it harder.

Eventually, somewhere before 09:00 a decision was made to go to theatre and try to turn the baby and assist delivery with forceps.  If that didn't work they would proceed to a Caesarean section so the epidural needed to be topped up to fully numb everything.  The new Anaesthetist (with two assistants) came and explained everything and then got the epidural topped up before we headed round to theatre.  Ant was taken away to get into some scrubs and I was wheeled into theatre.  It took a good half hour before the epidural had actually kicked in properly - the Anaesthetist kept telling me I shouldn't be able to feel him touching my legs and I could still lift them up and down - which we are sure is all down to my EDS.  Whilst they were waiting for it to kick in they needed to get a larger cannula in in case I ended up needing extra fluids or blood.  As I had been rehydrated overnight they expected that this would be quite easy but alas it took all three Anaesthetists and another 5 attempts to get a larger cannula in (they very kindly used local anaesthetic for each attempt).  I remember repeatedly asking for Ant and being told he wasn't there yet - apparently the poor guy had been left in a room and just assumed that I'd had to have a general anaesthetic and he'd missed the birth.

Honestly, it was all a bit of a blur.  There were three Anaesthetists, a Registrar, two midwives, a Consultant, Ant and possible a Maternity Care Assistant or two all around me, I couldn't even tell you what the room looked like! Finally the epidural was working, Ant was by my side, the cannula was in place and we were ready to go...

By this time the baby had come right down, turned himself around and the contractions had sped up.  The Registrar performed an episiotomy, attached the forceps and told me to give a couple of pushes to see what happened - apparently my pushing was more than adequate as he came out pretty much in one motion at 09:54.  The Consultant then told me that the forceps were probably unnecessary - such a shame they didn't give me chance to try pushing again with him being in a better position.  He cried instantly and Ant told me that he was, in fact, a little boy.  Ant cut the cord and I remember being completely overwhelmed.  He was placed on my chest for skin to skin and I just held him close, kissed him repeatedly and cried.

I was then told that my placenta was coming away and it needed to be manually removed, which I consented to.  I assumed this was done with some sort of tool but according to Ant the doctor basically just put her entire arm inside and pulled it out!  I ended up losing quite a lot of blood and the doctor started to sound quite worried but, as it turned out, it was only 800 ml so not enough to need a transfusion but enough to class as a postpartum haemorrhage.  I remember this happening but I don't remember feeling panicked at any point and I don't think I started to feel ill either - honestly I was just so enamoured with my baby boy that I couldn't even think about anything else.  She stitched me up and I was wheeled around to recovery.

In recovery the midwives filled in the paperwork whilst Ant and I just stared in awe at our beautiful little boy.  I had some water and a couple of biscuits (the first thing I'd eaten in well over 24 hours) which was amazing.  We tried breastfeeding but our baby, who had no name at this point, wasn't ready.  We were taken up to the ward around 11:00 I think and it was brilliant - we were in a four-bed room but we were the only people in there for quite some time so it was nice and quiet.  At 13:30 he took his first feed and it was incredible.  I'm so lucky that he took to feeding so well as I know a lot of people have problems.  My dad had driven down from Manchester the night before and stayed with family so he visited at around 14:00 and he helped me to top and tail the baby, who had done a GIANT poo, and get him dressed whilst Ant went to speak to his dad and stepmum (who ended up missing the birth after a whole night in the labour room with us).  They then swapped out with my dad so they could meet their grandson.

After everyone had left at 16:00 I had my bloods done and was very anaemic so I was started on some iron (and some pretty nice painkillers).  I was still bleeding quite heavily but that was to be expected.  At our hospital, partners are allowed to stay overnight (which is a recent development) so I sent Ant home around 16:30 to get some food and some rest before we tackled our first night as parents. 

I should mention at this point that I was still just in my hospital gown and basically lying on a puppy training pad where all the blood was collected.  I think they'd wedged a pad between my legs too, I can't really remember.  A wonderful Maternity Care Assistant came and helped me get myself sorted out and, honestly, she was worth her weight in gold.  It doesn't matter how much dignity you lose through IVF and labour, it's still a little weird not being able to wipe your own mess up!  She helped me get cleaned up and into some clean pants and a pad (and then a second lot when I got blood all over the first lot trying to get them on).  She then helped me get up and into a chair and brought the baby round so he was within arm's reach.  My dinner then arrived and, just at that moment, the baby needing feeding and I got totally overwhelmed and rang Ant to get him to come back.  The poor guy had only had about 30 minutes sleep and half a meal because he was so tired he forgot to put the other half on his plate but he dutifully returned straight away, by which time I'd managed to feed the baby and get some shepherd's pie into myself... it was the tastiest shepherd's pie I've ever had but that might just have been because I was starving!  At some point during the afternoon, the midwife from the day before visited and had nothing to say other than "So, how long did you manage to last before you had the epidural then?" in a stupidly judgy tone.  Honestly, she was vile.

Visiting time was 18:00-20:00 so Ant's step-brother and his wife came to visit.  My catheter was removed around 19:00 and then our visitors kindly kept an eye on our little bubs (and had lots of cuddles) while Ant helped me to have a shower.  For some reason I hadn't packed shower gel because my idiot brain thought it would be like a hotel and would have some on the wall!  At around 20:00, just after our visitors left I started bleeding more heavily and managed to do my first little wee.  I'd been kept on fluids from 20:00 the previous night until about 18:00 that evening but due to the dehydration and blood loss there still wasn't much going into my bladder.

Overnight we tried to get some sleep and baby fed every few hours.  He didn't really want to be in his crib between feeds so I'd feed him for half an hour or so then Ant would settle him for a bit then we'd swap and we basically just repeated that pattern all night.  To be honest, although I was exhausted I didn't want to close my eyes and stop looking at him!  Both baby and I were still on four-hourly observations, which typically didn't coincide with the feeds so sleep was very, very limited but the ward was beautifully quiet.  At around 2:30 I passed what looked like a large blood clot which it was eventually confirmed was a retained piece of placenta, which was surprising considering my placenta had been removed manually.  The baby's observations were stopped around this point as the midwife was happy with him but mine were continued.  I did manage to pass reasonable amounts of urine overnight which made them far less concerned.  Looking back, I was seriously dehydrated for a long time and lost a lot of blood (a fair amount during labour and quite a bit throughout the following 24 hours) but I don't remember ever feeling poorly or anything, but maybe that's because I'm used to feeling wobbly and a bit rubbish with the EDS!

Eventually, by around 07:00 the next day the baby was finally settled peacefully in his cot so I left him and Ant sleeping and went for some breakfast.  I actually ended up having breakfast with a lady I used to work with who'd had her baby a few days previous but he was 5 weeks early and still having a little trouble feeding so they were still being kept under observation.  It was nice to see a friendly face - we were also joined by a pregnant girl who was having a complicated pregnancy and had been an inpatient for a while.  When I got back Ant and baby both woke up so they had some cuddles while I had a shower and got myself dressed.

At some point during the morning the Consultant who followed me up during pregnancy (and who I knew from my previous job) came to visit me and see how we had got on.  At 08:15 the midwife decided she was happy with my observations and they were discontinued.  At 09:15 the baby had his newborn hearing check, which he passed with flying colours and then various bits and bobs of paperwork had to be completed.  We had a few checks on how we were getting on with feeding, both from midwives and from the Breastfeeding Support Volunteers - I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of support available.  We had to watch a video about not shaking babies and sign a form to say we'd watched it!  Later on that morning baby had his newborn check, the doctor visited me and gave us the all clear to go home once my stitches had been checked.  We had some lunch, got the baby changed and bundled into his car seat and headed home, chaperoned by Ant's parents.  I remember insisting on being the one who carried him to the car - I'd carried him into the hospital and I wanted to carry him out - but I definitely underestimated how far it was and how knackered I was.  I managed it though!

Ant's brother was at our house, having been looking after the cats for us and we all had a bit of a catch up.  Ant and his dad got the pushchair and the bouncer set up and then everyone left us alone to have some peace and quiet - we should have gone to sleep but we only had one episode of Stranger Things (season two) left so we watched that and settled into our new life as a family of three!

I've only JUST got round to writing this up and Oscar is now 19 months old so I'm sure it's a bit sketchy (I made notes a few days after I had him but they were quite vague.  The more I think about it now, the more I'm quite unhappy with my birth - particularly because I feel like I was failed by the first midwife and things would have gone very differently if I'd had more support and been sent down to the labour ward for pain relief and fluids when I should have been instead of her insisting I wasn't in labour.  Next time, and I really hope there is a next time, I will know how to be a better advocate for myself and Ant will also know more of what to expect and what we are within our rights to ask for.  All in all though, I was relatively unscathed (aside from the major bruising to my arms, the collapsed veins and the slightly unnecessary episiotomy) and have a healthy baby so I can't complain too much!

19 month update

Weight:  He hasn't been weighed for a little while but he seems to be growing nicely. - I'd estimate he's somewhere between 10.5 kg and 11 kg.

Health:  Things didn't improve massively on the ranitidine after two weeks so the GP increased it to the maximum dose.  That really improved things and he no longer sounds really chesty after meals.  He has vomited a couple of times but nothing drastic.  We saw the GP again yesterday and he's suggested that we keep it at that dose and keep him on the Piriton too (as he keeps waking up unable to breathe through his nose during the night).  So he's now having both regularly and will continue to do so until we see the Paediatrician at the end of July.  Otherwise he's doing pretty well and now the reflux is under control we are due to start the milk ladder in the next couple of weeks.

Sleep:  Things aren't great at the moment, we are having a lot of very early wake ups.  However, he is now fully night weaned.  He hasn't had any milk at night for over a week now - he's been having a bottle of almond milk around 4 am which we will need to get rid of in the next few months but one thing at a time.  He has one feed now, during his bedtime routine and we are planning to stop that over the weekend and then he'll be fully weaned.  Hopefully now he's back on the Piriton his sleep will improve somewhat but he had a dose last night and was still up before 5:30 so I'm not too optimistic.

Development:  He's at such a wonderful age and surprises us with something new every day - the other day he dipped the bubble blower into a bottle of bubbles and actually managed to blow the bubbles!  His communication is really coming along - he has a large number of signs now (please, thank you, more, again, help, hat, bag, drink, milk, water, eat, change, bath, medicine) and he can make animal noises (dog, cat, pig, owl, snake, lion, sheep, goat, cow, horse, dinosaur [along with raising his arms in a scary way] - he will do the sign for quack when he sees a duck, bang his chest for a gorilla, snap for a crocodile and flap his arms for a chicken).  He's starting to say more words although not many of them actually sound like works.  He says mama, daddy, owl, badger, hoover, go, yeah, no, bath, digger and papa (for Grandpapa) relatively well and the rest are coming along.  His climbing is really coming along and he can get up steps and slide down on climbing frames at the park now.  He can also climb onto the sofa by himself.  He's really helping with dressing and undressing and is having a good go at getting his shoes on by himself.  He's developed lovely pretend play (feeding and giving drinks to his toys, pretending to be on the phone etc).  He can drink reasonably well from an open cup now.  He loves scribbling and is pretty good at using a spoon and a fork.  He always insists on tidying before bed and understands what goes with what i.e. blocks go in the bag, books go on the shelf.  My grandma bought him a toy hoover last week and he hasn't played with anything else since!  He can point out at least 50 different things in books when I name them so his understanding is far better than his speech.  He did start holding his nappy and whining to us when he was pooping so we thought he might be ready for toilet training but it only happened for a few days and then stopped so obviously just a fluke.

Likes/Dislikes:  He is very much an outdoor toddler and would be out there all the time if he could.  He loves helping with chores - hoovering, tidying, putting shopping away, sweeping etc.  He really enjoys books and likes pointing out things and listening to what they are - we read at least ten a day.  He really doesn't like being unable to do things for himself, fiercely independent as ever!  He's developed a fear of animals recently - he likes them in pictures or videos but he was very scared of them at the farm the other day and he seems to be scared of the cats too - when they come in to the room he asks me to make them go. 

Nursery:  He's getting on really well at nursery although he's not eating much there either.  They're pleased with his development and he's very happy there.  I realised the other day that when he naps there he doesn't even have a dummy because we don't send one!

Me:  My course is going really well and I passed my first assignment with flying colours.  I'm just writing my second one now.

I'm not sure if it's a hormonal things because I'm weaning Oscar or if it's just because he's growing up but I've been incredibly broody lately.  I can't stop thinking about being pregnant again, having another baby and expanding the family.  I'm also just generally thinking a lot about the future, Ant's gym being set up, moving to a bigger house one day... all dreams for now.

I've cancelled my gym membership to save some money as, by the end of the year/beginning of next year, Ant should have his own studio so I can train there for free.  I've had some horrible health problems this month - I had an episode of mastitis that very nearly turned into sepsis and I ended up in the surgical assessment unit overnight as they thought it had turned into an abscess that needed draining.  I don't think I've ever felt quite so poorly, it was incredibly unpleasant. 

We've reapplied for universal credit again after finding out that I shouldn't need to work full time for it.  It also means I won't have to do overtime (as that would take me over the threshold) so we can have more family time and focus on the house.  We are absolutely skint right now, aside from our savings, so I've been feeling pretty low but we can get through anything together :)