This time last year...

Last week marked a whole year since I received the amazing news that I was pregnant and here I am sat here with a 16 week old baby.  The last year has absolutely flown by and that day seems like a lifetime ago.  It's been a challenging year with pregnancy, my mother's mental health, lots of car troubles, ALS' workplace being set on fire and finally parenting but I feel like I've grown a lot as a person and every single minute has been worth it because we are finally a family of 3. 

Here is just a short outline of what we went through to get to that positive test:

2 years
10 TV scans
12 blood tests (plus a few botched attempts)
80+ injections
Countless oestrogen tablets and progesterone pessaries
1 egg collection
2 embryo transfers
3000+ miles travelled

There's a lot of numbers up there but it all comes down to ONE beautiful little boy. Exactly one year ago today I left work and

It sounds like a lot and it was emotionally and physically draining but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  We were incredibly lucky that I fell pregnant on our second transfer as, for some people, it can take so much longer.  Our journey may have been short but it was a challenge nonetheless and one that we will hopefully undertake again in the coming years - watch this space!

Baby Update - 16 weeks old

Age:  16 weeks

Weight: He's not due to be weighed again until Tuesday.

Feeding: He seems to have been having a growth spurt as he fed constantly over the weekend then calmed down again - he did refuse a bottle again on Sunday night though.  In the last couple of days he's had a bit of a blocked nose so he's been having lots of short feeds because he's been finding it hard to breathe through his nose and getting frustrated.  He has his vaccinations tomorrow too so we'll try him with a bottle again in a week or so when everything has settled down.  In terms of the reflux we had 3 days with virtually no vomiting after a week dairy-free but then the last 2 days he's been a bit more sick again in a morning but that might be because he's so congested so we'll see how he goes.

 Sleep: Between the growth spurt and the stuffy nose his sleep hasn't been great for the last week.  He's been feeding every couple of hours overnight but he has slept relatively well in between, at least until about 5 am.  He's been having slightly more regular daytime naps but they're still a work in progress - today we've actually managed 2 naps without me holding him the whole time so I'm counting that as a win.  He woke up whilst I was writing this but just chilled out in the basket playing with his bunny - I love that bunny! 

Routine: Things are starting to fall into place and I'm gradually trying to get OJ into bed earlier at night - so far we've managed to get him down by about 9:45 pm for the last few nights which is much better than when we were going to bed at 11 pm.  At the moment I'm going to bed at the same time to try and catch up on some sleep and because I'm not comfortable leaving him upstairs alone yet.  In terms of the daytime we just take each day as it comes but it's mostly feed then play with a nap after every other feed.

Likes/dislikes:  He has really taken to a soft bunny rattle that my dad and stepmum bought for him, mostly because the arms and legs are really easy for him to grab onto and fiddle with - it seems to have helped to distract him a little in the car too.  He loves being bounced around and thrown up in the air (without letting go, of course).  He's still not fond of the car but we are working on it.  We took him swimming on our own for the first time this week and he was completely indifferent - he wasn't grumpy but it's also hard to get a smile out of him in the pool because he's so busy just taking everything in.

Firsts:  He has had his first illness, although it has fortunately just been a blocked nose rather than a full blown cold.  As I mentioned above we took him swimming without instructor supervision for the first time.  He's really got the hang of putting toys to his mouth this week and he's been rolling over onto his side to get to toys on his playmat (he's always rolled onto his side in his sleep but he's not done it during the day since he was very little).  He's also started to take an interest in the cats and also started turning towards sounds, especially voices. 

Milestones: Nothing in particular this week.

Things we did: We've done quite a lot of organising around the house this week but we've been out for a couple of walks and on Saturday we went and visited 4 lots of friends/family - poor OJ was shattered by the end of the day!  I also let OJ snuggle and watch a film in bed with me (Chicken Run) yesterday evening because it was the only thing that would settle him - I try to avoid screen time for him but occasionally it's a great treat and it mesmerises him.   

Me: I'm still struggling with dizziness but just haven't had the time to get in with the GP yet - fortunately it's only when I'm lying down so it's not impeding my ability to care for OJ.  I've been managing to exercise well this week and it's really helping with my fatigue.  Being dairy-free is also making me think more carefully about my diet (and means I can't binge on chocolate so often) so the fat is starting to fall off - I'm 55.9 kg today which is the lightest I've been in years (minus the morning sickness period).

15 weeks 1 day - it's still a bit too big but I couldn't wait to put him in his little Harry Potter vest... the bonus to him having thrown up on his jumper was that I got to show it off!

15 weeks 1 day - whilst the baby is sleeping, mummy plays with Snapchat filters.

15 weeks 3 days - showing off his gorgeous new blanket that one of our friends handmade for him.

15 weeks 3 days - I find it adorable that he often falls asleep after a feed holding my boob.

15 weeks 4 days - the aforementioned bunny!

15 weeks 4 days (vs. 4 days) - he finally fits in his 0-3 month snowsuit, it's photos like this that really show me how much he's grown!

15 weeks 5 days - he's found his feet!

15 weeks 5 days - trying to eat daddy's hand, he'll try and eat anything he can get his mouth on!

15 weeks 5 days - watching mummy exercise and looking particularly sassy.

15 weeks 6 days - poorly boy watching Chicken Run with mummy... he fell asleep 15 minutes in thankfully.

16 weeks - snuggling with mummy and sucking his thumb, isn't he just the cutest?

Baby Update - 15 weeks old

Age:  15 weeks

Weight: He's not due to be weighed again until the end of the month - by our scales he's 4.8 kg which is a loss but I'm taking it with a pinch of salt because our scales are notoriously inaccurate and he was wriggling!

Feeding: He's been feeding constantly for 2 days which is tiring but it keeps him happy.  Today I left him with ALS for a few hours whilst I took my sister-in-law to the hospital for her son's appointment and poor little OJ outright refused his bottle (breast milk) after a couple of sips and screamed blue murder for a good 15 minutes just settling down before I got home.  He's never refused a bottle before - it's been less than a week since he had one - so we're hoping it was a one off and there was something wrong with the milk that put him off.  We will definitely be trying him with one again before we leave him though to save any distress.  There's still been a lot of vomiting, explosive poos and a flare up of his eczema so I've made the executive decision to go dairy free - we're only 3 days in so no obvious improvement yet but it's worth a try!
 Sleep: Last night I was the proud winner of a whole 4 hours sleep thanks to an early morning and lots of night feeds... OJ has slept most of the day between feeds but I've not been so fortunate.  A couple of times this week I've tried to have early nights but he's been impossible to settle before about 11 as the evening is his most awake time.  He still seems quite uncomfortable and has a lot of trouble with wind in a morning leading to a lot of fidgeting so I usually bring him into our bed at around 7am when ALS goes to work so I can catnap for a couple more hours.

Routine: I'm trying to let OJ lead the routine, but also just getting on with what I need to do and making him fit in.  I do think we ought to get a bedtime routine in place but as we should be in the room with him when he sleeps it's hard unless we go to bed early too, plus ALS wouldn't get to spend much time with him.  We'll work on it once the reflux has calmed down and he's more comfortable.

Likes/dislikes:  He is starting to put weight on his legs and loves standing - if you try and pull him to sit he just pushes his legs down and ends up standing.  He really enjoys nursery rhymes and watching us doing the signs for common words, always rewarding us with a big smile.  He doesn't seem to like the fact that we don't understand his babble and shouts at us if we don't respond quickly enough!

Firsts:  He rolled from front to back for the first time at 14+3 weeks - although it may have been a fluke - and he's getting loads better at pushing himself up during tummy time.  He has started enjoying looking in a mirror too.  ALS got his first proper laugh from him this morning too!  He's really found his thumb this week and tends to suck it rather than just shoving his whole hand in his mouth - so we may not have too much trouble removing the dummy.

Milestones: Rolling over - even if it was only once!

Things we did: ALS and I cooked together at the weekend to celebrate our anniversary (again) and had a couple of drinks - we tried to have an "early night" for the first time since OJ was born but he clearly knew what we were up to and was having none of it!  We've done the usual swimming, shopping etc. and today we went out for lunch with my sister-in-law and her little one. 

Me: I'm incredibly sleep deprived but I had my first proper powerlifting session at the gym this week - ALS is doing a case study as part of a qualification so I'm being his guinea pig.  I really enjoyed it and although I've lost a lot of strength I feel like it will come back quite quickly.  Since last night I've been getting incredibly dizzy when I lie down, turn over in bed or tip my head back which is making it hard to attend to OJ at night. I'm hoping it goes away but I've had it before for weeks at a time and it's always been diagnosed as labyrinthitis before but I think it's more benign positional vertigo... I'll get in with the GP on Monday if it's no better.

14 weeks 1 day- we've had a LOT of these lately, they're so watery that there is no containing them!

14 weeks 1 day - eating his toy cow (probably not going to be a vegetarian like daddy).

14 weeks 3 days - he toppled forwards then proceeded to try and eat me, he's such a little cannibal that we've nicknamed him "Piranha Baby"!

14 weeks 4 days - yet another change of clothes after another vomit!

15 weeks - snuggling and watching Pointless with mummy (I know TV is bad but I refuse to sit in silence all day so it stays on sometimes, but I keep it off when we're playing and such).

12 weeks 2 days - we got our photos back from the professional photoshoot this week and they are amazing, this is my favourite!  Credit goes to Kevin at Natural Light Photography.

Just a little fitness advice for my friends out there - don't obsess over the scales.  The left photos were after a weight cut for my honeymoon and the right were a couple of weeks ago.  I weigh the same (give or take 300 g) in both but my waist is over 5 inches bigger in the right hand photos and I'm carrying a lot more fat.  Numbers aren't always the be all and end all!

Baby Update - 14 weeks

Age:  14 weeks

Weight: He's not due to be weighed again until the end of the month but he seems to be getting bigger by the day!

Feeding: He's still feeding well and is very impatient once he decides he's hungry!

Sleep: Sleep hasn't been so great this week - he's been waking up more frequently overnight to feed but hopefully it's just a growth spurt.  He sleeps well in between but due to the reflux I have to keep him upright for 30 minutes after a feed which means that I end up being up for around an hour each feed.  It also means that he is getting into the habit of falling asleep on me so once his reflux is under control and he has to learn to sleep independently it's going to be hard work.

Routine: We're just taking it day by day and going with the flow.

Likes/dislikes:  He loves sitting up, especially if you're bouncing him up and down.  He's also pretty content propped up in his ClevaCushion and if I lean him back he'll pull himself upright - clever boy!  He is getting used to tummy time too.  He really hates night time nappy changes - they're pretty rare but getting out of his snuggly sleeping bag for a change when he wants feeding is not high on his list of favourite things!

Firsts:  We left him with ALS' parents on Saturday night so we could go out for a meal for our anniversary - it was the first time I've left him with anyone other than ALS and I coped surprisingly well but I was definitely ready to get back after a couple of hours.  He also may be copying his first sign ("change") but I've not seen it enough times to be sure it's not just coincidence.

Milestones: Turning 3 months old!

Things we did: We've been out for a couple of meals and spent some time with family.  Otherwise we've just been for walks and pottered around the house.  ALS was on a course all weekend so OJ and I just chilled out.  

Me: I got some decent exercise in this week - even an actual session at the gym - which was great.  Honestly though I'm exhausted.  It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get I still feel like death.  I'm trying to just take it easy and listen to my body.  When OJ was first born I felt like supermum, getting up, dressed and out of the house every day and getting everything done.  Since he's been 6 weeks old and more reluctant to sleep in the day things have been much harder and I'm slowly learning to just enjoy my time with him and stop worrying about the house.  ALS is amazing and does way more than his fair share so I'm incredibly lucky in that respect!

13 weeks 1 day - holding himself up for once, he's so strong but just tries to roll himself over without pushing up and then his arm stops him.

13 weeks 1 day - 3 month growth photo

13 weeks 1 day - I moved him thinking he'd wake up but he just covered his face and stole my spot.

13 weeks 2 days - snuggly sleepy baby.

13 weeks 3 days - too interested in sucking his fingers to properly participate in tummy time.

13 weeks 3 days - daddy was trying to get OJ to look at him but all he wanted to do was stare at mummy.

13 weeks 5 days - snoozing in mummy's bed whilst I got ready for the gym.

13 weeks 6 days - chilling in his ClevaCushion with his bunny, look at those chunky thighs!

14 weeks - sitting himself up like a big boy.

14 weeks - he's found his thumb.  He also gets progressively less dressed in the photos I took today because he keeps throwing up on his clothes!

Baby Update - 13 weeks

Age:  13 weeks

Weight: He was weighed on Tuesday (12 weeks 5 days) and was 11 lb so a decent increase.  He's still only just above 2nd centile but it's a start.

Feeding: Pretty much the same as last week - we've had a couple of days where he's fed a lot and a couple where he's gone up to 4 hours.  There's really no discernible pattern to his feeds yet but that's fine.

Sleep: He's been up a bit more overnight to feed in the last few days but I think it's his reflux making him uncomfortable.  His medicine was increased a couple of days ago so once that kicks in hopefully he'll sleep a little better again.  Naps in the day are still hit and miss - he naps really well on me but often wakes up if I put him down.  Even if I take his cues to put him down for a nap he tends to lie for a few minutes trying to fall asleep then ends up wide awake giggling at me!

Routine: It's pretty much non-existent because I'm too exhausted at the moment to wake him up at a set time so I just get up when he wakes up but we generally follow the pattern of feed, play, sleep (with a sleep every 2 feeds usually) during the day and he has a relatively set bedtime routine but just whenever we go to bed rather than a set time.  He is pretty adaptable so it's working fine for now.  Once he can sleep in a room unsupervised then we'll hit bedtime properly.

Likes/dislikes:  He loves watching people pull faces and make silly noises at him.  If we have the TV on he's mesmerised and I don't like him watching it so instead I've shown him a couple of Baby Einstein videos on YouTube and he enjoys those.  He's still not a big fan of tummy time but he's getting used to it if we prop him up on a pillow rather than lying him completely flat.  He also really hates the car - if he's tired he might fall asleep but otherwise he just screams, he's often sick in his carseat too so I think it's the reflux making him uncomfortable which is making him cry.

Firsts:  We had our first family photoshoot (mainly photos of OJ) and I'll post a few when we get them back - we've seen them and I almost cried, he's so adorable.  He properly held himself up during tummy time on a pillow for the first time - I've managed to get videos but no photos.  He also went to his first powerlifting competition and was amazingly well behaved all day!

Milestones: Propping himself up during tummy time.

Things we did: OJ had his 3 month jabs last Friday, we went out for a meal to celebrate his arrival with friends and family, ALS had a powerlifting competiton on Sunday and we've been cramming in lots of gaming for Weemas.  

Me: I'm down to 56.4 kg weight wise which is lower than I was pre-pregnancy - but again I blame the loss of muscle for that.  I'm still struggling and in quite a bit of pain with my joints but I'll get there.

12 weeks - showing Mr Panda his sassy face.

12 weeks 1 day - post vaccination snuggles.

12 weeks 2 days - all tuckered out from his photoshoot!

12 weeks 2 days - we had an early night after the meal and by the time daddy came to bed this is where his feet were... he has real trouble keeping them in his sleepsuits!

12 weeks 3 days - enjoying his first powerlifting competition!

12 weeks 3 days - sleeping through all the excitement.

12 weeks 5 days - wearing all his Mickey Mouse gear!

13 weeks - sucking his fingers, his new favourite pastime!