Pregnancy - 9 week update

How far along?  9 weeks 1 day - I did write this yesterday when I was 9 weeks but I forgot to click post!

How big is baby?  The size of a grape or cherry apparently.

Total weight gain/loss?  56 kg so I'm now at a total loss of 2.5 kg, I have however noticed that all of my muscles have turned squishy so I think I'm just losing muscle rather than "losing weight" as such.

Waist?  25 inches, exactly where I started.

Stretchmarks?  Only the ones that have been there for years.

Maternity clothes?  Not for a while yet.

Sleep?  The last few nights have been horrendous for sleep.  I've been getting up to pee, waking up thirsty and just generally tossing/turning all night for no reason.

Best moment this week?  Seeing our tiny jellybean growing nicely!

Movement?  Obviously I can't feel anything yet, BUT I did see it wriggling around on the scan which was amazing.

Food cravings?  Chocolate rich tea biscuits - I went out to buy some last night but apparently they are impossible to find!

Food aversions?  Whatever I fancied earlier and cooked... it seems to be a pattern that by the time I've cooked it I can't stomach it.

Gender?   Absolutely no clue.

Labour signs?  Definitely not.

Pregnancy symptoms?  I was actually "sick" for the first time yesterday.  I used the inverted commas because my stomach was empty so nothing actually came out - but there was some pretty serious retching over the toilet for 10 minutes so I'm counting it.  Shortness of breath, fatigue, achy joints and all sorts.  I also seem to have constant diarrhoea but I think that maybe from the progesterone pessaries.  I don't feel bad to be honest, I'm just noticing all the little things because I'm looking for them I guess!

Belly button in or out?  In.

What I miss?  It's been gorgeously sunny a couple of times and it would have been lovely to go and sit in a beer garden with a nice cocktail... having said that, I probably wouldn't have done even if I wasn't pregnant because I said I wanted to do it many times last year and never did!

What I am looking forward to?  Shopping for baby things - we're not going to start just yet but I've signed up for a few freebies (samples of nappies, wipes etc.) that have arrived so I'm making a little collection.

Upcoming appointments/scans?  My 12 week scan is 19th April then I see the Consultant on 15th May and midwife on 17th May.

Weekly wisdom?  Naps are necessary.  I know a lot of people are against naps because they'll stop you sleeping at night etc.  However, I have such disturbed sleep at night sometimes anyway that I may as well take an hour or two in an afternoon if I can get it.  Then at least if I have another disturbed night I've got a bit of sleep in.  You need extra sleep when you're pregnant so if you feel like sleeping, take the opportunity.  Last night I had an "early" night and 3 hours later I was still asleep.  I've just got home from work and I'm going to have a nap once I've posted this, just 30 minutes or so to keep me going.

Milestones?  Seeing our little jellybean with tiny arms and legs - also booking in with the midwife, that actually felt more real than seeing it on the scan for some reason!  I'm now officially registered as a pregnant lady and discharged from IVF care.

Bump picture:

Is that the start of a teeny bump?  Maybe!  I actually look a little more pregnant with clothes on that I do naked - although definitely just look bloated at the moment to the untrained eye haha.

Women are amazing!

I've always known that the miracle of life was exactly that, a miracle!  However, it really brings it home when you see your baby growing on scans:

This was 6w6d (measuring 6w1d) - you can see the yolk sac and the baby is right on the right hand side and just a little dot.

This was today at 8w8d (measuring 8w5d) and, as you can see, the yolk sac is at the top and there's a head, body and little stumpy limbs.

I was a little concerned that, as I've lost weight and been struggling to eat, the baby wouldn't be growing properly.  However, it is right on track and doing everything it should be doing.

In 2 weeks this baby has gone from approximately the size of a grain of rice to the size of a grape.  It's doubled its own body size over and over again.  THAT is a miracle.  It also explains why women feel so tired during the first trimester - the rate the baby is growing is phenomenal and it's using a lot of your energy to do that.

So if you're pregnant and you're feeling sick or tired, just remember that you're growing a tiny miracle and it's all worth it!  There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't go through to make sure that this little jellybean-looking creature gets everything it needs.

Pregnancy - 8 week update

How far along?  8 weeks

How big is baby?  The size of a raspberry or kidney bean apparently.

Total weight gain/loss?  I'm exactly where I was last week, 57.2kg.  I've been struggling with nausea this week and found meals hard to eat so I'm glad I've managed not to lose anything.

Waist?  Not measured this week.

Stretchmarks?  Only the ones that have been there for years.

Maternity clothes?  Not for a while yet.

Sleep?  I've been sleeping quite well and having some really weird dreams - nothing baby related and no nightmares, just everything in my dreams is really vivid and mixed up.

Best moment this week?  Realising that with my new working hours I am never more than 2 days away from a lie-in!

Movement?  Nothing yet, way too early.

Food cravings?  Nothing in particular - I mostly just want savoury food.  If I particularly fancy anything it's either carbs or unhealthy stuff (chicken nuggets, sausage rolls, crisps).  I'm trying to balance eating what I fancy with eating healthy foods but when I'm really nauseous, sometimes I've just had to give it and settle for what I fancy, even if it's Pringles, because they're the only thing that don't make me wretch.

Food aversions?  I've completely gone off pomegranate juice, can't stomach it at all despite the fact that I've been drinking it every day since before transfer.

Gender?   No idea and I don't think we're going to find out.  I keep accidentally calling it a "she" at the moment and I don't really know why.

Labour signs?  Definitely not.

Pregnancy symptoms?  Morning sickness is in full swing,  I'm tired, my joints are achy and clicking a lot and I'm absolutely reveling in it all!

Belly button in or out?  In.

What I miss?  Going to bed with ALS.  By the time he gets home from work in an evening I'm pretty much ready for bed (especially as I have earlier mornings now) and he's not ready for bed because he needs to wind down so I end up going before him.  It's not something either of us like particularly but I can't expect him to be in bed at 9pm - he does always give me a cuddle when he gets in bed though.

What I am looking forward to?  Having a weekend to ourselves - we've had a few really busy weekends lately and, although it's been nice seeing friends and such, it'll be nice to have some time to chill out and get stuff sorted around the house.

Upcoming appointments/scans?  Scan on 28th March and midwife on 29th March.

Weekly wisdom?  Try not to let your stomach get empty.  I've had some pretty horrendous morning sickness but the only time it's got really bad is when I haven't eaten for a good few hours and my stomach is empty.  Eating little and often (whatever I can stomach) has been really helping and made the nausea bearable rather than overwhelming.

Milestones?  Finally having proper pregnancy symptoms!  It's also a whole 4 weeks since I found out I was pregnant.

Bump picture:

I have such a prominent indentation in my stomach when my ribs end, always have done.  It looks so odd on photos.  I may be getting the teeniest bump, but nothing particularly noticeable.

Unusual Symptoms

For the last few days I've been experiencing a very weird pregnancy symptom - at least I assume it's pregnancy related!

My leg muscles are really tight.  I haven't been getting cramp or anything like that, my muscles just feel tight.  I've been stretching a lot to try and keep my sciatica at bay and I've noticed that I can't stretch even half as far as normal - touching my toes without a LOT of warming up is impossible.

I've got a free weekend this weekend so I think I'm going to get myself to yoga!

Did you have any odd symptoms that nobody else had warned you about or experienced?

I said I wanted to feel pregnant...

Well I sure do now!

Sickness is in full swing but as long as I keep my stomach full I can keep the worst at bay.

I'm absolutely exhausted but I start my 4 day weeks properly this week (longer hours split over 4 days instead of 5). It'll be nice making the same money but having a day off in the week.  Hopefully an extra day of "me time" will help.  It's taking me years of getting used to managing my EDS fatigue so with pregnancy fatigue on the top it is a whole new ball game.

My biggest issue is that my blood pressure seems to be very low. I have always had low blood pressure and suffer with mild POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome).  This causes severe dizziness when I go from lying/siting to standing and leaves me feeling very faint if I stand still for more than a few minutes, in a queue for example.  Currently this is a lot worse and I have quite a lot of time during the day where I'm light headed, even when sitting down.

Breathlessness is also hitting me - I only have to walk a few steps to get out of breath. This is worse because of the progesterone pessaries I'm on, in addition to my body producing extra progesterone. It's really not troublesome but just something I've noticed.

As annoying or uncomfortable as some of these symptoms may be, I love it.  Every one is a reminder that I'm growing a human inside me and there is nothing more amazing than that!

Pregnancy - 7 week update

How far along?  7 weeks

How big is baby?  The size of a blueberry... although I don't think it's there yet, maybe by the end of the week!

Total weight gain/loss?  I've put a bit of weight back on this week as I've been making more effort to have plenty of carbs to keep my energy up.  I'm 57.2kg at the moment which is still a 1.3kg loss on where I started.

Waist?  26.5 inches - I'm not sure how accurate these measurements are.  I'm going around my belly button so it should be relatively reliable but I'm also sure I've not gained 1.5 inches in the last few weeks.  My clothes feel exactly the same and if anything I look slimmer!

Stretchmarks?  Only the ones that have been there for years.

Maternity clothes?  Not for a while yet.

Sleep?  I had one really bad night but otherwise I've been sleeping like a baby - pardon the expression!  I had a lovely lie in yesterday which was nice seeing as my new job requires me to get up over an hour earlier than I'm used to.

Best moment this week?  Getting to see our little bubba on the scan!

Movement?  Nothing yet, way too early.

Food cravings?  Nothing - I still don't really have much appetite.  Tonight I feel properly hungry for the first time in ages, despite having just polished off a bowl of spaghetti bolognese.  I shall have some supper before bed!

Food aversions?  Nothing.

Gender?   No idea and I don't think we're going to find out... but that could change.

Labour signs?  Definitely not.

Pregnancy symptoms?  A few twinges on my right side still but mostly just feeling tired.

Belly button in or out?  In.

What I miss?  Caffeine!  These early starts are killer.

What I am looking forward to?  I'm meeting one of my friends from my old job for dinner tomorrow - can't wait.

Upcoming appointments/scans?  I have another scan on 28th March and bubba was measuring a bit small (they didn't tell me as much but the picture says 6w1d and I was 6w6d).  They just said they want to see me again.  Then I'm booked in with the midwife on 29th!

Weekly wisdom?  When you're tired and feel really low on energy, do a little exercise.  It really does help!  Even if it's just a 10 minute walk or a few lengths in the pool.  I was exhausted earlier after a 10 hour day at work but I dragged myself for a swim and I feel so much better for it. I actually even had the energy to cook dinner when I got home!  I know I said this a couple of weeks ago as my wisdom but it's something I've had to remind myself of this week!

Milestones?  Seeing that little flickering heartbeat.

Bump picture:

I didn't want to wake ALS this morning by turning all the lights on to take photos so I took this when I got to work - I actually look in surprisingly good shape - better than normal haha!

EPS or EDS?

I've been thinking that I haven't really had anything in the way of "early pregnancy symptoms".  However, the more I read about it, the more I realise that I'm probably just not really noticing them because they clash so much with my Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.

Morning sickness/nausea:
I'm generally a very nauseous person.  If I don't have breakfast as soon as I get up, I feel sick.  If I get tired, I feel sick.  If I get too hungry, I feel sick.  I spent a lot of my life feeling nauseous, so it's hard to tell what is pregnancy-related and what is just me.  I've had times in the last few weeks where I've had to force food down or I've sat over the toilet trying not to be sick BUT this is a regular occurrence for me.

Tiredness/fatigue:
I live my life in a perpetual state of fatigue, especially since I gave up caffeine in August for the IVF - I know they say you'll feel better for it in the long run, but I really don't.  I have days where I get home from work and just need a nap.  Getting up in a morning is ALWAYS a battle.  I regularly fall asleep if I lie down and watch a movie in an evening with my husband.  In hindsight, I have been a little more fatigued than normal lately, but this comes and goes in waves anyway, so if I didn't know I was pregnant I wouldn't have put it down to that.  Overwhelming fatigue is hard to explain and I think it's only when healthy women are pregnant or sleep deprived with babies that they start to understand the kind of fatigue us "Spoonies" deal with on a daily basis.  Hopefully, I'm quite well equipped to deal with this and keeping up my exercise regime, even when I don't feel like it, seems to be helping so far.

Sore boobs/nipples:
My boobs have definitely been achy - it's been nice to actually have something I can definitely call a pregnancy symptom.  However, people keep saying "wait until your nipples get sore".  I've had my nipples pierced for years and I am constantly catching them (they've never healed properly) so I'm pretty damn used to this.  Once I've had a reassuring scan, the piercings will be coming out so I have plenty of time to heal before baby is born.

Frequent urination:
I have an overactive bladder.  I pee around once an hour.  I get up once or twice (sometimes more) every night to pee - I had just managed to start getting this under control but then pregnancy ensued and it went out the window.  However, this is again something I'm quite used to so haven't really found that annoying so far.

Joint aches and pains:
I'm no stranger to these, being the main part of my condition.  I also had a bout of sciatica in the summer which has flared up on and off.  I'm getting quite good at rehabilitating myself from the sciatica quite quickly with stretches and such though.  It's flared up majorly in the last week but I can ease the pain quite well with half an hour of stretching.  My sister-in-law, who's 18 weeks, has just started experiencing sciatica so I've been able to give her a few tips to help her ease it - I'm not sure if she's tried any of them yet but hopefully they'll help.

I'm partially glad I don't have any major symptoms and partially annoyed - I really want to FEEL pregnant and experience everything along the way!  So maybe I do have symptoms and I've just not actually realised yet because they blend in so well with my health problems anyway.  People keep telling me I'm just having an "easy pregnancy" but I really think (without bragging) that I'm just so used to dealing with my body's horrible condition I'm not really finding them troublesome.

Obviously I'm not saying some women don't have horrible pregnancies - those who have things like hyperemesis gravidarum, rather than just mild morning sickness, and the like.  I'm not comparing my situation to those women.  I know this sounds really pretentious, but as average pregnancies go, I think women just maybe aren't used to dealing with the sort of symptoms that arise.  For once my condition has been beneficial, preparing me for this stuff.  Maybe I'm just so grateful to be pregnant after everything we've had to deal with that I appreciate every little feeling that reminds me I'm growing a human!  I know it's hard work but think of the miracle you're creating and try to enjoy it - it is a damn good excuse to have a good moan now and then though.

Pregnancy - 6 week update

How far along?  6 weeks

How big is baby?  I have a couple of apps on my phone - their suggestions vary including lentil, grain of rice, pomegranate seed and sweet pea.  I'm going with pomegranate seed seeing as I've been drinking pomegranate juice religiously for weeks.

Total weight gain/loss?  I was exactly 56.6kg again this morning so no change this week.  That puts me at a 1.9kg loss so far.


Waist?  I haven't measured it this week but my weight hasn't changed and my clothes feel the same so I'm guessing nothing.

Stretchmarks?  Not for a long time yet I hope!  Although I do have some on my hips from when puberty hit me.

Maternity clothes?  Not for a while yet.

Sleep?  I've slept a little better this week although we had a couple of late nights at the weekend and no substantial lie ins so I could really do with a bit of extra sleep!

Best moment this week?  Starting my new (old) job... although it's been a little awkward as more than one person has asked me if I'm thinking about having kids any time soon.  A few weeks ago that might have upset me a little, now I'm just sat excitedly thinking "If only you knew"!

Movement?  Nothing yet, way too early.

Food cravings?  Nothing - I still don't really have much appetite at all.

Food aversions?  Nothing.

Gender?   No idea and I don't think we're going to find out... but that could change.

Labour signs?  Definitely not.

Pregnancy symptoms?  I got SO excited at the weekend as I had sore boobs - my first proper pregnancy symptoms.  I text my pregnant sister-in-law and my best friend, they mostly just seemed confused that I was so excited about the discomfort haha!  I've had a lot of sharp pains on my right hand side combined with some diarrhoea.  Needless to say I panicked and jumped straight to ectopic pregnancy - more on that later.  I'm also having some shortness of breath when just walking around but that's most likely just the progesterone as I've had it for the last couple of weeks.

Belly button in or out?  In.

What I miss?  Not having to plan my daily schedule around pessaries and tablets - counting down to 12 weeks when I can stop them!

What I am looking forward to?  I have my early scan on Tuesday next week, only 5 more sleeps!!

Upcoming appointments/scans?  See above.

Weekly wisdom?  Always seek advice.  I rang 111 about my right sided pains and diarrhoea last night and the woman immediately asked me to get to the Urgent Care Centre.  The doctor there seemed less concerned - my temperature, pulse and urine were all fine.  He examined me and said that the pain was too far over to be pregnancy related and that it was probably just a tummy bug.  All day I'd thought it was trapped wind and this was probably right.  However, it gave me the peace of mind to get a good night's sleep and I was told repeatedly that I'd done the right thing and to see my GP today if there'd been no improvement - fortunately there has!

Milestones?  First proper pregnancy symptom - sore boobs!

Bump picture:

I don't think there's been any change - this is just a different angle (again).  It's really hard getting the same angle every week without taking a million pictures!  You can really see the lovely stretchmarks on my hips, hopefully pregnancy doesn't add any more.

Ignorance is Bliss

This morning I woke up with pains in the lower right side of my abdomen. On my 30 minute commute to work they've slowly worsened and spread upwards and round my back.

I'm now sat in the car park, waiting to go into work and wondering what it is.  It's probably trapped wind (thanks to these damn pessaries) but my brain has jumped to an ectopic. If I hadn't worked in gynaecology for the last 7 months, I wouldn't even have had that thought.

Ergo... ignorance is bliss.

"How to Grow a Baby" - Review

You may remember that last week I bought some pregnancy books.  I've already made my way through the first one so here's my review!

I'd read a snippet of this book for free on the Kindle and it sounded like exactly the kind of pregnancy book for me.  I didn't realise until today that this book was only released a month ago, so I imagine not a lot of people have read it yet (unless you're pregnant at the moment).

Clemmie Hooper provides an informative, humourous, no-nonsense guide to pregnancy, birth and the first few weeks of being a new mum.  As a midwife, she has a great insight into the medical aspects of pregnancy and as a mother of four girls, she has plenty of personal experience to complement her knowledge.  

The book is split into sections relevant to the stages of pregnancy with cute illustrations of what size fruit/vegetable your foetus is likely to be at that stage - it's a little scary when it's a fully grown pumpkin by the end!

Alongside Clemmie's writing, she has excerpts from various other writers covering all sorts of topics.  There's articles about hypnobirthing, pregnancy massage, diet, exercises and doulas - to name just a few.  Scattered throughout the book are quotes from real mums covering everything from sex to postnatal depression, which makes everything feel a little less alien and a little more comforting.

Possibly my favourite part of the book is the birth stories.  Towards the end of the book there are stories written by women who have experienced all kinds of birth, including C-sections, natural delivery, epidurals, induction and home birth.  Hearing from people who have experienced these scenarios brings a real personal touch to the book.

Overall, it was a great read.  It was informative but entertaining at the same time.  It didn't throw pages and pages of statistics at you and it always explained every option.  I've heard a lot of complaints about books that push natural delivery without medication or that make you feel guilty if you choose not to breastfeed, but this was not one of those.  Everything was clear and concise with enough detail to help you make informed choices, without telling you what you should be doing or confusing you with too much unnecessary information.

I would highly recommend How to Grow a Baby (and Push it Out).  You can also check out Clemmie's writing on her blog (where it all started).

Enjoy your work!

I had a job I loved... and it ruined my life!

Okay, so I may be being a tiny bit dramatic but this is pretty much how I feel at the moment.  It's a feeling I wasn't able to shake for most of 2016.

I should make it clear at this point that since I started having problems with my EDS and had to drop out of sixth form (twice) any career ambition I may have had was gone. I wanted to be a midwife but I couldn't handle long shifts or being on my feet for large periods of time. I wanted to work in a job where I was good at what I did, had a relative amount of responsibility (but nothing majorly stressful - which counts out working with the general public) but could go home at the end of the day and leave work at work.

I started my working life as a Legal Secretary and I hated it.  Despite the fact that the Solicitors I worked for were brilliant, the nature of the work made it somewhat unbearable.  It was a criminal law firm and they were defending criminals - there were a few innocent people who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but they were the rare ones.  Clients were often very verbally abusive and I was often the only one in the building to deal with the situation.  As an 18 year old girl that was scary.  I stuck it out for just under 3 years; it was good money considering I was fresh out of school (it started off well and I had a couple of pay rises after performance appraisals), the people were supportive and I just didn't feel I could leave something where I was considered to be doing well.  Eventually I got very depressed, to the point where I would sob the whole way to work.  My husband (very soon after we got together) gave me the confidence to hand my notice in and walk away.  I did this with no prospects of a new job and just did agency work (making minimum wage) to keep myself going until something better came along.

I've always been fascinated by medicine so when a job came up at my local hospital as a Clinical Typist for the Paediatric Department I jumped at the chance to apply for it.  Little did I know it would be the single best career decision I ever made.  It is the only job I have ever had where I NEVER looked for other jobs.  I was never unhappy about going to work (even when we had an alcoholic working with us and being quite hostile).  I got up every morning and looked forward to it - I'd often do about 15 hours overtime a week, which was great for the money (I got paid time and a half) but also didn't feel like work.  Unfortunately, when we relocated I couldn't continue with the 30 minute commute as we had one car between us and I found a new job quicker than ALS.

I had a job in a lab for a while, which was impossible as I was on my feet all day and this was my lowest point.  In August 2016, I started working in the Maternity/Gynae Department at my local hospital.  This was in an admin capacity and was quite interesting.  However, it was hard work whilst I was going through the fertility treatment - although it had its perks when I ran out of medication or needed advice.  By Christmas it had gotten to a point where we were seriously overstaffed and I spent most of my time twiddling my thumbs.

In December, I was approached by my old manager and asked if I would be interested in returning to my old job in Paediatrics.  We have now become a 2 car family and ALS has a more local job, so I jumped at the chance.  Tomorrow, I am heading back to that job and I absolutely can't wait.  I'm looking forward to looking forward to work again.  

Admittedly, they might not be thrilled when they find out I'm pregnant but enjoying your job is so important for a happy life.  Plus, now I can actually imagine myself not entirely hating going back to work when I've had kids - instead of ending up depressed, tearing myself away from my baby and going to a job I hate.

Excited does not even cover it!