3 Years Old!

Oh my goodness, we have a 3 year old!  He has had a lovely birthday, minus a horrible incident outside Smyths where he fell down the kerb, bumped his head and I managed to stand on his hand.  Low-key celebrations suits him and being stuck at home with us all day has played to his strengths.  We went to Smyths to spend his money from Grampy, had McDonald's for lunch, we ate cake, he opened presents, Nana and Papa came to drop off gifts and stood on the garden to talk to him for a bit and that's it.  He has been struggling lately with seeming bored, miserable and just generally not wanting to do anything so we figured new toys might help and today he was a dream.  He has been the happiest we've seen him in ages, not overwhelmed and the TV barely made it on at all!

So, what does 3 look like for Oscar?  Well, we get varying readings because he can't stand still on the scales but he's somewhere between 12.6 and 12.9 kg and we bought a chart for his wall which measures him at 91 cm.  We've just started to put him in 2-3 year clothes but he will mostly have to stay in 18-24 month trousers as the 2-3 year ones are way too long.  He's in a 5.5 shoe from when we last had his feet measured in July, his wellies are a 6 and seem big (but they don't do half sizes).  We are about to enter another lockdown so won't be able to get his feet measured again for a while but he mostly wears his wellies anyway and it is the season for it.

Development

Development has come on a lot in some areas, a little less in others but every day with him is something new and I honestly wish I could capture every little thing he says and does.

Speech
Well he doesn't shut up... honestly I think his language skills have jumped well above average now.  He has a comment on everything, has a question about everything and loves to talk to anyone and everything.  He often talks beyond his years - yesterday I explained about birthday presents and that people bought them for him and he responded with "oh that's very nice of them".  He has us in hysterics all the time and, whilst we don't understand every word, we get most of what he's saying with context.  Just today he has started expressing that he is sad - he'd had a haircut for the first time and was overwhelmed, when we got home he was very disregulated and then threw a load of stuff off the table, saying "I knocked it off because I am sad".  He had a video call with SALT today for an evaluation and she was definitely happy with his actual language and speech, which I expected.  Social interaction will be the interesting one to discuss when she has a video call with him at nursery on Friday.  He does a lot of "scripting" where he randomly quotes books or TV shows completely out of context and he can have quite a bit of repetition in that context but generally his speech is pretty good.

Gross Motor
He can run now and runs everywhere although he does still fall quite a lot.  He did jump with both feet for a while but now jumps almost one at a time, especially when he's excited.  He does this little skipping type jump on the spot which is adorable but also makes him look like a little goblin.  He's really never got the hang of the balance bike and isn't interested in it but apparently he does like a trike at nursery, although I don't know how he propels it.  He is starting to get better at climbing according to nursery and definitely climbs more around the house, getting on to kitchen chairs and the like, but we haven't been able to take him to anywhere like soft play for a good while so it's hard to tell.

Fine Motor
He is quite competent in this regard but also really reluctant.  He doesn't enjoy mark making as he can't make it look like whatever he is trying to achieve so he gets frustrated.  He can put puzzle pieces together but it often takes him a while and he can use a knife and fork but generally eats with his hands.  I've noticed park of the issue is that he tends to keep a "special object" (which can be whatever he is attached to on a given day) and he prefers to hold that in his right hand.  We are pretty sure he is right-handed and he is definitely more competent with his right but because of his insistence on holding an object he ends up using his left hand which he isn't so skilled with and then gets frustrated that he can't do things.  If we suggest he switches the object to the other hand he refuses.  We are working on all of these skills though and he is improving slowly but surely.

Self-Care
Again, he can but whether he will is a different matter.  He is capable of getting his pants and trousers on by himself and is starting to be able to do his socks.  He can do his jacket but has only done it once and refused ever since.  He can do his shoes and get them fastened without help now though which is great.  He is getting quite good at cleaning his hands and face although is more reluctant with his face.  He's usually pretty good with having his teeth brushed too.  He's reasonably good at tidying up after himself and loves helping me to clean, although usually takes over, steals my cleaning supplies and refuses to let me finish.  He's fully potty trained and only has the very occasional accident if he's really distracted by something.  He can generally hold it if we aren't near a toilet too.

Social/Emotional
This is a difficult subject at the moment.  He definitely has difficulties with social/emotional development and the Community Paediatrician is unsure whether that's a delay in that area or related to autism but he is being assessed for both.  He really struggles with his emotions and controlling his impulses.  We think he "masks" because he is impeccably behaved at nursery and then really struggles when he's back at home.  Afternoons are the hardest for him, particularly as he's getting tired, and he can throw, hit, shout and struggle to cope with anything that isn't focused on him.  He gets upset at us having conversations or touching his things/not doing things his way.  He's much more affectionate nowadays than he used to be and loves a good cuddle.  He often asks to sit on my knee and recently he's been going to sleep with my jumper.  He's so sweet and can be incredibly caring, a very sensitive little soul and he's growing emotionally every day.

He still has very little pretend play; today the SALT asked if he could make food or a drink in his toy kitchen and he said he couldn't because he didn't have any real food or drinks.  He takes things very literally - yesterday I said he was like a cuddly teddy bear in his dressing gown and and his response was, "I are but it's just Oscar in a dressing gown".

Health
His health is okay although we do still wonder if he has allergies as he seems congested a lot of the time and we give him Piriton on occasion if he's had a few nights of waking up snotty.  We have wondered if he still has reflux or some sort of issue because he often seems to cough and splutter when he drinks.  I mentioned it to the SALT when we arranged the appointment and she has passed it on to the Eating & Drinking Team to see him.  His weight has been a bit up and down but he's grown in height and doesn't look underweight so we are just keeping an eye on it. 

Eating
Eating continues to go up and down.  When he started back at nursery in August he ate more there - fish fingers, pasta, cheese, beans, sausages, mashed potato and fruit. He hasn't really shown that interest at home except for a little mashed potato and nursery are still concerned that he doesn't eat much there although, as he only does mornings, it isn't really a huge issue.  He has become pretty obsessed with cheese which is costing us a fortunate but at least he's getting some protein and calcium in.  He still eats popcorn chicken, garlic bread, rice/cous cous and bread/toast and loves cereal.  Anything else is hit and miss other than chocolate biscuits/cake and he rarely touches fruits or vegetables, although he did go through a bit of a grape-loving phase for a couple of weeks. EDIT (5/11/20): Last night he ate chicken and mashed potato!

Sleep
The big news here is that we've dropped the nap in the last ten days and it seems to be going alright.  It's taken him a little while to adjust from early wake-ups since the clock change which fell on the first day we dropped his nap (poor planning on our part) but he's generally sleeping until at least 6 and then I pop something on my phone for him and try to snooze until about 7.  We did go through a phase where I rarely ended up in his bed, or at least not before 4-5 AM then he started waking earlier in the evenings and once I got him back to sleep it was hard to sneak away because he was in a lighter sleep, hence dropping the nap.  It has been hard work and he's struggling from about 3 PM until dinner time because he's exhausted but we will see how it goes over the next few weeks.  He's struggling with congestion so I'm waiting to speak to the GP tomorrow about a better, longer-acting antihistamine than Piriton so maybe his sleep will be more restful.

Nursery
He settled back into nursery after lockdown like a dream.  The first day he was so excited to go back he ran in without a second thought.  We had a couple of days where he was a bit upset after that but then he's been fine since and he's recently moving into the pre-school room where he's really thriving.  It definitely had an impact on his eating and has helped his social skills too, apparently he is starting to form friendships with a little boy called Ronnie and he keeps mentioning a girl called Edith.  We are hoping to increase him to five mornings from January as he should get 30 hours free.  It will increase our costs a little as we have to cover 30 hours in holidays instead of the 15 we pay now but it will be worth it for him to have that consistency.  We did have a brief parents evening via Zoom but Oscat wouldn't really let us chat.  Their only concern was his eating really and they said they were really happy with his his speech had come along.

Likes and Dislikes

He loves snuggling up with his Shadow shark in bed and sometimes my jumper.  He also sometimes cuddles his Rex dinosaur that my friends bought him for his first birthday.  He still loves books, currently Superworm, Highway Rat and his Peppa Pig anthology.  TV wise his favourite things are Messy Goes to Okido (which is really quite educational), Chico Bon Bon, Paw Patrol and Super Monsters at the moment.  He still mostly thrives on filling and emptying activities hence loving his new bin lorry and he loves playing in water, although baths are hit and miss.  Swimming isn't great at the moment but better than it was pre-lockdown and he actually got in the water for the first time without any coaxing.  He can just about swim with two short woggles but hates getting his face near the water so we are going to get him a goggle mask for when we go back in December.  He's loved exploring and collecting leaves and acorns over the past few months until the weather got rubbish and the nights got dark.  In the summer he loves blackberry picking and he's found a real love of baking (mostly just eating the goodies).  He still likes throwing and nowadays he often spins or jumps up and down when he's excited or overwhelmed.

He dislikes a lot of noise and really struggles with us talking to each other although we aren't sure if that's because he's not the focus of attention as he doesn't like us hugging either.  He hates it if you start singing and still isn't a huge fan of the car although he does tolerate it nowadays.  He doesn't like labels in his clothes or being told what to do in any capacity.  He hates coats and hats but does tolerate them if essential.  He knows what he likes and what he wants but there's not much he outright hates.

Autism?
We had our Community Paediatrician assessment over the phone as I detailed in a previous post and are in the middle of his SALT assessment.  We shall wait and see but I would expect her might not get a diagnosis as his issues aren't interfering with his daily life enough.

A Resounding No!

 This time last year I had essentially the worst week of my life.  Oscar got a stomach bug, passed it on to Ant who ended up in hospital and then passed it on to me then I recovered for a day, got sick again, missed our first IVF appointment for the new cycle and in the midst of all that my mum had another episode, ending up being sectioned and my grandparents yelled at me for making it worse because I calmly told her that I wasn't happy that she had lied to me.  It was hell.  I scream-cried in my car for like 20 minutes while Oscar was napping (after a battle to get him to sleep).  

This week hasn't exactly been much better.  We found out that the IVF hadn't worked which didn't come as a huge surprise - the best of three clearly didn't swing in our favour.  Naturally I was upset but actually within a couple of hours I'd snapped out of it and we were planning our next steps.  We have a debrief appointment on 20 October to consolidate the cycle and decide where we go from here.  

Generally people have been great.  My friend, who came to London with me, came over on Thursday evening when I was feeling crappy and Oscar was being a challenge.  My work colleagues have been great and obviously Ant has been amazing.  Plenty of people have suggested that "we are lucky to have Oscar and at least we have him" and whilst they are well meaning it just makes me feel guilty for being sad that it didn't work.  Obviously I do feel that way but it doesn't mean I wouldn't like more and it doesn't help to be reminded of it.  However, today I told my mum and grandparents and I was gobsmacked by their reaction. 

My grandma essentially just said, "I told you she wouldn't tell us if they were doing it again", my mum basically said nothing and my grandad said that he was sorry a couple of times but that was it.  Not one of them asked if I was okay (physically or mentally).  I don't know if they didn't comprehend how much it cost us or what I'd physically been through over the last two months but even so you'd think they'd understand that I would be upset.  Honestly I'm furious, apparently 26 September is just the day I get let down by my grandparents.  Fortunately Ant wasn't there as he was working so at least he didn't have to experience it as I can't imagine how angry he would have been!

The Night Before...

Tomorrow things change forever.  Tomorrow we either embark on the final stage of our journey to become a family of four or we accept that we have to stay a family of three for the foreseeable future.  I'm leaning heavily towards the latter.

The last nine days has been hard going.  I was already pessimistic because of being ill the weekend before the transfer, being ill immediately before the transfer, the complications with the ultrasound and then the flea infestation however, as the week has gone on, I've just had more and more of a gut feeling that it just hasn't worked.  

Over the weekend I felt a bit rubbish again and the last two nights I've felt so sick, my stomach has been upset and I've had chills or hot sweats.  It's all the hormones so I'll be glad to see the back of them at least.  On Saturday I had a moment of madness.  I found a pregnancy test in the drawer from last time.  It expired in April 2018 but I took it anyway, not because I thought it would be positive but because I thought seeing the negative might make it sink in a bit.  It didn't help.  I just told myself it was an expired test, it was only five days post-transfer, it would never have been positive.

We had another one leftover so I decided to do it this morning, to prepare myself for tomorrow.  Another stark negative.  I knew it would be.  Part of me keeps thinking that maybe it's because it was expired, maybe it really is still too early.  Last time I got a positive at 9 days but my HCG was REALLY high so maybe it wouldn't detect it now anyway.  But deep down I know. 

Part of me thinks that I'm prepared and that I'm going to cope fine because I'm expecting it to have failed and I have that gut feeling.  Part of me thinks I'm going to be absolutely floored because I think I can cope and I might not be expecting the emotions.  I really don't know how I'll react.  It'll be the first time I'm making the call too, Ant did it the last two times as I was at work.  In just 17 hours I should know, although a big part of me already does.

When the first transfer failed I was gutted but I had the knowledge that we could try again, we could keep trying.  This time, I might have to accept that that's it.  Even if it's not, we have to start over.  We have to find a LOT of money.  It will take time.  There's no guarantee that it will be successful either.  We still have COVID to contend with.  It's a lot of stress on my body.  Theoretically it should be easier this time because I already have Oscar.  I have a child, everything I ever dreamed of.  It's selfish of me to want more, it's cruel of me to feel like one isn't enough.  But in a way having Oscar makes it even harder because I know what I'm missing out on.  Being his mum has been the hardest thing I've ever done, there have been days I've cried and felt like a failure but it has been the most amazing experience, full of laughter and joy.  I've grown so much as a person and watching him grown and learn makes my heart feel like it could explode every single day.  

More than that though, I really want to give him a sibling.  I really think he needs one.  I struggled growing up as an only child, it was lonely and I didn't have a lot of friends especially in my teenage years.  However, I had my cousin.  We lived close, we spent a lot of time as a family and we were the only ones without siblings.  Oscar won't have that.  He has one cousin and one on the way from Ant's stepbrother but we don't see them often and they will have each other.  He probably won't have any from Ant's brother as he doesn't want children.  Maybe he'll be a social butterfly and flourish as an only child.  Maybe he will get a sibling but they won't get on.  But my biggest fear is that the age gap will prevent them from being as close as they could be because we will have to wait to try again.  The likelihood is that Oscar will be at least 5 by the time we have another baby IF we get to do it.  That's almost the same gap as Ant and his brother and they are close now but during childhood they were always at different stages so it was hard for them to connect.  

On the bright side I did learn today that I don't have to go to the drive through blood testing which opens at 9 and I can actually go to the main hospital attached to the fertility clinic which opens at 7:30, so I can get it out of the way and be back in time to do some work while Ant takes Oscar swimming hopefully.  Then just the agonising wait until 2 PM when we get the results.  I'll probably need to post to let my feelings out but it may be a few days before I find the words...

Community Paediatrician

 As if we didn't have enough going on this week, we had our first telephone appointment with the Community Paediatrician this week.  She was lovely!  Ant took Oscar out for a walk so I could focus on the consultation and we were on the phone for just over an hour in the end.

I'm not going to go into great detail about symptoms etc because I've done that previously and will continue to do I'm sure.  Instead I'll just give an overview of the conversation.

The doctor basically asked why we had been referred and what our concerns were.  She asked questions about my pregnancy, birth history, family history, Oscar's medical history, specific areas of concern and then asked about things that would raise concern to her - sensory issues, eating, sleep, development, language, social interaction etc.

She agreed that he sounds developmentally age-appropriate but a little behind with his social interaction and particularly in understanding the subtleties of language and communication such as not understanding my tone when he's doing something inappropriate or thinking someone passing him in the street will take the ball he's carrying even when they aren't looking at him.  She suggested that this could be a delay in social communication or it could be a sign of autism.

We spent quite a lot of time discussing sensory issues including the throwing which I now think may be a type of proprioceptive stimming. She agreed with me that diagnosis wasn't the entire issue here as, even if she turns around and says he isn't autistic, we still have the sensory issues and behaviour to deal with.  It won't just go away.  I'm glad she appreciated that because so often diagnosis is the be all and end all and you get no support without a diagnosis or just get a diagnosis and then get sent on your way. 

From here we have to await a speech and language review which will be done at nursery with us present and then the Community Paediatrician will see us face-to-face, hopefully before the end of the year but I won't hold my breath.  She's sending me some information to self-refer to a sensory course run by Occupational Therapists but isn't sure if it will be running at the moment with COVID.  She suggested we set up a calming sensory area in the house for Oscar, with something like an aquarium.  I'm not sure how much money/space she thinks we have but it is something we are thinking about ideas for and I'll update once we make any progress with it.  

So that's where we are at for now... it gave us a lot to think about and honestly it was just nice to feel heard and to know that we aren't bad parents, we aren't doing anything wrong and we aren't making it all up.  There are clearly difficulties that he has and that we should really be able to help him with so I'm hopeful that we can make his life easier.

Transfer #3: The Final Embryo

Two days ago, on Monday 14 September, I headed down to London accompanied by one of my closest friends for our embryo transfer.  Our final little frostie.  Potentially our last chance.  Obviously, as expected, it was not quite straightforward but our little one is snuggled up back where it belongs and that is what is important. 

I was pretty ill over the weekend with an upset stomach and spent most of Saturday night clutching a bowl feeling sick, having diarrhoea and feeling faint to the point that I just lay on the bathroom floor from about 2:30-6 AM and got no sleep.  I took it easy on Sunday but still didn't feel 100% by Monday and I'd lost 1.5 kg in the previous four days.

We were due to get the 07:56 train from Derby and (due to her husband getting up late) we had to run to the platform and made it onto the train with 26 seconds to spare.  Great start to the day but, as we made it, we had a good laugh about it and settled into the journey.  I was quite anxious, nausea and just generally felt a bit crappy on the way down there but felt much better once we got off the train into the fresh air.  We got an Uber straight to the hospital and then had a bit of time to kill so we walked to Tesco, grabbed some food and then sat on a bench and chilled.  I started drinking about 10:30 (my appointment was 11:30 and needed a full bladder).  

I had a 500 ml bottle of Lucozade with my food and then at 11:00 I went up to the ACU.  I made the mistake of walking the 11 flights of stairs and almost killed myself.  I then drank another 2 litres of water whilst I was waiting and was taken in for my appointment around 12:00.  About this point I realised that I may have been dehydrated from the weekend and the liquid was just being used rather than going to my bladder, I saw my veins fill up as I was sitting there.  I told the woman who took me through that I was unsure if my bladder was full as I'd had over 2.5 litres and I didn't even feel like I needed to pee.  I signed the forms, assumed the position (with serious hip cramp) and inevitably my bladder was basically empty so they shipped me off to a recovery room with just a table and chairs to drink another 1.5 litres at least.  

I downed another 2 litres in the space of about 15 minutes and then felt very queasy.  I tried to keep drinking and as the woman came back to get me I told her I felt sick.  She just about got a bowl to me in time and I threw up three times, insane amounts of liquid, well over a litre altogether.  However, once I'd sorted myself out, they decided my bladder was indeed full enough and the transfer took place.  That in itself was a bit of a nightmare.  The woman doing the ultrasound couldn't get it in the right place and the doctor had to keep taking it off her.  Honestly I was starting to worry she was going to blow the whole procedure but the doctor was amazing and little embryo #3 ended up in perfect position apparently!

I met back up with my friend and we got an Uber straight back to the station, grabbed some McDonald's chips (IVF tradition) and then headed back to the train.  We chatted on the way home and I was definitely far more relaxed (aside from needing a wee most of the way back).  We shall just have to wait and see what happens now.  I'm actually not posting this until 5dp5dt so I'll do a separate post about how I'm feeling now!

Almost Time!

 So week 4 of the IVF meds brought nothing new.  My appetite returned a bit but I've still had some stomach issues - this weekend particularly has been really hard.  I've not been able to eat without having cramps and diarrhoea within an hour afterwards.  Touch wood, today I've felt a bit better so hopefully it was just a blip.

I had my scan last Tuesday but my lining was still only 6 mm and they asked to see me again on Saturday.  Typically Saturday was the least convenient day as my in-laws were away for the weekend and Ant had to take the morning off work so I could go to Sheffield.  Fortunately, my lining was 8.5 mm so they were happy to proceed with transfer.  I asked if I could have seven days' notice to be able to get free train tickets (my business mentor works for the train company).  The lovely nurse, Trish, in Sheffield said she would tell Guy's to make it for the following Monday or Tuesday which would give me nine or ten days.  She asked me to ring back in the afternoon when they would have heard back from Guy's.  However, I wasn't sure my medication liquid would last me as long as I needed, especially if they decided on Tuesday so I had to wait for a prescription.  It took the pharmacy an hour and a half to get the prescription ready so I was just doing laps around the outside of the hospital waiting in the cold - the car park has no signal so I couldn't wait for the call there.

Eventually I got home but when I rang that afternoon they hadn't heard from Guy's so they told me to ring back today (Monday).  Honestly, I was stressed out.  I'm a compulsive planner and the worst part of IVF for me is the constant not knowing.  I was absolutely furious with Guy's for not bothering to get back to the nurses at Sheffield but I tolerated it. 

Today I rang at 14:00 as planned and they still hadn't received a response so they asked me to call back again half an hour later.  I did, although it took me until around 14:50 to get through and then they STILL hadn't heard back from Guy's.  The nurse was super apologetic and handed it over to her superior to chase up for me.  She asked me to ring back at 15:30.  Again I rang back and she still hadn't heard from them but they had emailed Guy's again.  I explained the train situation and she apologised again.  However, she rang back less than ten minutes later to say that my transfer was booked for 11:30 on Monday 14th September!  She told me she wanted to let me know as soon as possible so I could get my tickets and thanks to my brilliant mentor I now have free travel to London!

I'd been stressing about the whole situation but my best friend had taken it all out of my hands.  I asked her months ago to come with me as we knew it would be less stressful if Ant was taking care of Oscar rather than faffing with childcare. Obviously COVID changed things a little but she promised to still come if she was able (by law) and when I wasn't sure I'd be able to get the train tickets I told her I couldn't take her.  I couldn't ask her to shell out for a ticket but couldn't afford to pay for two.  She immediately started planning routes, avoiding the tube, offered to drive me and all sorts.  She really has been a lifesaver and as it happens we have managed to get the train tickets so we can sit back and relax.  It's just a shame that she won't be allowed in the actual transfer as that would have made it much more worth it for her but she doesn't seem to mind at all.  She's a wonderful friend!

I'm actually finishing this post two days later than I started it so I did my last injection last night and started my pessaries today.  I'm finding a little bit more energy, managed a short workout last night and did a 5.5 km walk with Oscar in the pushchair at naptime today.  Here's hoping it lasts and I'm in good shape for the transfer!

Working on Baby #2

 So my intentions to document this FET cycle like the previous ones have gone a little astray.  Somehow I'm over three weeks into the cycle and haven't done a single post, although I have been documenting reasonably regularly on Instagram.

During lockdown I got into the best shape I've ever been in.  I was lean, strong, 53 kg and almost had abs.  I ate well but plenty.  I felt great!  Then we went on holiday and I had a proper binge week.  When we came back I was good again for a couple of weeks in the lead up to starting the medications.  Since I've started the medications it has been hard work.

Week 1:

- Started Suprecur injections on 4 August.
- Constantly hungry, ate anything and everyhing.
- Lots of headaches, some really severe.
- Cut back the caffeine to training days only. 
- Still worked out but dropped the intensity and limited walking as I hurt my foot.

Week 2:

- Continued Suprecur injections.
- Still eating lots but trying to keep it balanced.
- Still lots of headaches.
- Continued to only have caffeine on training days and cut out completely by the end of the week.
- Workouts the same as previous week.

Week 3:

- Scan showed thin lining and ovaries suppressed.
- Added in oestrogen tablets (Progynova) at same time as injections.
- Felt absolutely exhausted, dropped workouts.
- A few good days and managed to do a bit more walking.
- Started drinking pomegranate juice every day.

That brings us to today.  Week 4 started yesterday so I'm continuing on the Suprecur and Progynova.  I'm feeling pretty rubbish.  The oestrogen seems to have triggered my IBS, I have to dash to the toilet very soon after eating and have had some pretty nasty stomach cramps.  My appetite has absolutely disappeared and I'm having to force myself to eat, also feeling nauseous.  The headaches have settled but I am generally knackered.  I'm suffering with insomnia which could be a side effect or could just be my brain overthinking everything (as usual) but not being able to drink caffeine is seriously hindering my ability to function and Oscar's behaviour has been very challenging this week to say the least - it's like he knows we are trying to have another one and is proving that he's more than enough to handle!  I'm trying to listen to my body and rest where I can but it's a challenge when that body won't let me sleep. I did email my nurse about the side effects but she's on leave until 2 September (my next scan is 1 September).  I also rang the clinic and left a message but nobody rang me back and I don't have the mental energy to ring again.

So there you have it... we shall see what happens in the next week.